Studies of venom variability have advanced from describing the mechanisms of action and relative potency of medically important toxins to understanding the ecological and evolutionary causes of the variability itself. While most studies have focused on differences in venoms among taxa, populations, or age-classes, there may be intersexual effects as well. Striped bark scorpions (Centruroides vittatus) provide a good model for examining sex differences in venom composition and efficacy, as this species exhibits dramatic sexual dimorphism in both size and defensive behavior; when threatened by an enemy, larger, slower females stand and fight while smaller, fleeter males prefer to run. We here add evidence suggesting that male and female C. vittatus indeed have different defensive propensities; when threatened via an electrical stimulus, females were more likely to sting than were males. We reasoned that intersexual differences in defensive phenotypes would select for venoms with different functions in the two sexes; female venoms should be effective at predator deterrence, whereas male venoms, less utilized defensively, might be better suited to capturing prey or courting females. This rationale led to our predictions that females would inject more venom and/or possess more painful venom than males. We were wrong. While females do inject more venom than males in a defensive sting, females are also larger; when adjusted for body size, male and female C. vittatus commit equal masses of venom in a sting to a potential enemy. Additionally, house mice (Mus musculus) find an injection of male venom more irritating than an equal amount of female venom, likely because male venom contains more of the toxins that induce pain. Taken together, our results suggest that identifying the ultimate causes of venom variability will, as we move beyond adaptive storytelling, be hard-won.