We investigate the thermal cosmology and terrestrial and astrophysical phenomenology of a sub-GeV hadrophilic dark sector. The specific construction explored in this work features a Dirac fermion dark matter candidate interacting with a light scalar mediator that dominantly couples to the up-quark. The correct freeze-out relic abundance may be achieved via dark matter annihilation directly to hadrons or through secluded annihilation to scalar mediators. A rich and distinctive phenomenology is present in this scenario, with probes arising from precision meson decays, proton beam dump experiments, colliders, direct detection experiments, supernovae, and nucleosynthesis.In the future, experiments such as NA62, REDTOP, SHiP, SBND, and NEWS-G will be able to explore a significant portion of the cosmologically motivated parameter space. *