Back to caring after being hurt: the role of forgiveness

Abstract

While the topic of forgiveness has only recently started to receive empirical attention, little research has been conducted to examine the notion that forgiveness predicts pro-relationship responses, motivated by a willingness to set aside personal well-being to enhance the well-being of the partner or relationship. The purpose of the present research was to examine whether forgiveness predicts prorelationship responses, and whether it does so above and beyond commitment to the offender. Consistent with hypotheses, three studies revealed that forgiveness is significantly associated with (a) willingness to accommodate (i.e. to respond constructively rather than destructively when the partner has engaged in a potentially destructive act), (b) willingness to sacrifice, and (c) level of intended cooperation. Moreover, these associations were independent of commitment to the offender, providing initial evidence for the unique role of forgiveness in understanding pro-relationship motivation and behaviour. Finally, the results of Study 3 suggested that forgiveness restores, rather than increases, levels of pro-relationship motivation, compared to baseline levels of pro-relationship motivation.

Forgiveness in personal relationships: Its malleability and powerful consequences

“…The model further suggests that the link between forgiveness and closeness, and the link between pro-relationship responses and feelings of closeness towards a relationship partner, are bidirectionally related (Karremans & Van Lange, 2004, 2008McCullough et al, 1998). For example, as described in the previous paragraph, it is possible that forgiveness instigates pro-relationship responses, which in turn promote feelings of closeness.…”

“…For example, Karremans and Van Lange (2004) demonstrated that participants who were reminded of a past offence that they had largely forgiven (compared to participants who were reminded of a largely unforgiven offence), were subsequently more willing to make a sacrifice for their partner, were more likely to accommodate (i.e., act in a pro-relationship manner) towards a destructive act of the partner (i.e., an act that was unrelated to the past offence), and were more likely to cooperate in a social dilemma task with the partner. For example, in one study participants were reminded of a largely unforgiven offence, or a largely forgiven offence.…”

“…In another study (Karremans & Van Lange, 2004; Study 3), using the same instructions of thinking of a forgiven or unforgiven past offence, after the recall phase participants played a (hypothetical) give-some dilemma with the offending person. Participants were given four coins, each worth 50 cents to themselves but worth 1 Dutch guilder to the other.…”

“…For example, the finding that forgiveness results in increased pro-relationship responses (e.g., Karremans & Van Lange, 2004), suggests that it may restore a reciprocal pattern of pro-relationship responses within the relationship (Wieselquist et al, 1999). This in turn may restore feelings of closeness with the offender, which may directly feed into a person's experienced psychological well-being as decreased feelings of closeness (especially regarding a cherished relationship partner, e.g., one's romantic partner) may threaten fundamental feelings of belongingness.…”

A bocsánatkérés és a jóvátétel hatása a megbocsátásra közeli és távoli kapcsolatokban

“…Kezdetben a megbocsátásra úgy tekintett a szakirodalom, amely révén az elkövető mentesül tettének következményei alól (FINCHAM, 2009). Így a megbocsátó sértett fél lemond arról a jogáról, hogy a sérelemért elégtételt vegyen, ami ellentmondhat az igazságérzetnek (KARREMANS és VAN LANGE, 2004).…”