Bound to interact: The divergent goals and complex interplay of attachment and sex within romantic relationships

Abstract

Attachment and sexual mating are distinct behavioral systems that serve different evolutionary functions. Although their behavioral manifestations may occur in isolation, romantic partners typically function simultaneously as sexual partners and as attachment figures. In recent years, researchers have focused their attention on the complex interplay between attachment processes and the sexual aspects of romantic love. In this manuscript, I review research that demonstrates the reciprocal relationship between these two systems. I also present new findings concerning whether and how reactions characteristic of the sexual system serve attachment-related goals, primarily in situations that call for distress regulation, and how these reactions are moderated by attachment insecurities. The research conducted to date points to the need for us to understand how the attachment and sexual systems mutually influence each other at different stages of relationship development.KEY WORDS: attachment • romantic relationships • sexuality Attachment and sexual mating are distinct behavioral systems that evolved to serve the different goals of protecting a person from danger by assuring that he or she maintains proximity to a caregiver (an attachment figure) and passing genes to the next generation through sexual intercourse, respectively Journal of Social and Personal Relationships

Global and specific attachment patterns in romantic relationships : distinct and interactional functions.

“…This is consistent with previous research (e.g., Birnbaum, 2010;Brassard et al, 2012) linking insecure attachment with lower emotional and physiological sexual fulfillment. Attachment dynamics as described by Mikulincer, Shaver, & Pereg (2003;Fig.…”

“…Both anxious and avoidant attachment patterns have been associated with lower rates of intimacy, arousal, and orgasms with a partner (in women; Birnbaum, 2008;Cohen & Veltsky, 2008). The extant research on attachment and sexuality suggests that attachment patterns manifest in sexual interactions similarly to other intimate ways of engaging (see Birnbaum, 2010, for a review). Similar to dyadic coping, sexual satisfaction in the context of a romantic relationship is an indicator for a complex interaction that occurs between two people.…”

Sexual Closeness Discrepancies: What They Are and Why They Matter for Sexual Well-Being in Romantic Relationships

“…For example, research has found that feelings of sexual closeness are an important contributor to couple satisfaction (Mirgain & Cordova, 2007;Patrick et al, 2007). Feelings of sexual closeness and intimacy have been found to contribute positively to relationship quality (Birnbaum, 2010;Davis, Shaver, & Vernon, 2004;Schachner & Shaver, 2004). In a study that asked participants to rate concepts they saw as central to sexual intimacy, most associated sexual intimacy with feeling passionate, attraction, consensual, sexual contact, and closeness.…”

The Influence of Early Experiences and Adult Attachment on the Exhibition of the Sexual Double Standard

“…On the other hand, the sexual behavior and motives of highly anxious people tend to be complicated. They often use sex as a tool to influence their partners' emotions and behavior, especially when they feel that their relationships are threatened (Birnbaum 2010). Importantly for the current study, anxiously attached people tend to disapprove of sex outside of a committed relationship (Brassard et al 2007).…”

“…Highly avoidant people tend to either completely disregard sexual activity or to engage in it purely for physical pleasure rather than emotional intimacy (Brassard et al 2007). Even in a monogamous relationship, highly avoidant individuals tend to not be as affected by problems in their sex lives; they may simply disengage (Birnbaum 2010). On the other hand, the sexual behavior and motives of highly anxious people tend to be complicated.…”