Cooperative Courtship: Helping Friends Raise and Raze Relationship Barriers

Abstract

Do people help each other form romantic relationships? Research on the role of the social environment in relationship formation has traditionally focused on competition, but this article investigates novel patterns of cooperation within courtship interactions. Drawing on a functional/evolutionary perspective, women are predicted to cooperate primarily in building romantic thresholds and barriers; men are predicted to cooperate primarily in achieving romantic access. In support of these predictions, four studies reveal that people consistently perceive cooperation, report cooperative behavior, and make cooperative decisions in romantic situations. People also provide the opposite pattern of help to opposite-sex friends from that provided to same-sex friends, suggesting that assistance is flexibly tuned to differences in the romantic selectivity of recipients. Cooperative courtship is revealed to be a commonly used set of mating strategies by which people functionally tailor aid to promote both their own and their friends’ romantic relationship interests.

Renovating the Pyramid of Needs

“…Although an evolutionary perspective recognizes sexual and competitive motivations as undeniable aspects of human nature, it also emphasizes the roles of cooperation, love, and parental concern (e.g., Ackerman & Kenrick, 2009; Kameda & Tindale, 2006; Keltner, Haidt, & Shiota, 2006; Kenrick, 2006; Van Vugt & Van Lange, 2006). It is useful to keep in mind a point we made earlier: that sex is only a small part of human reproduction.…”

Friends with Benefits: The Evolved Psychology of Same- and Opposite-Sex Friendship

“…One possible explanation for this is that although SSFs can assist in mate acquisition (Ackerman and Kenrick, 2009), they can also be competitors for mates. Having highly attractive friends may introduce costs that exceed the benefits of friendship with these individuals.…”

Passion and Compassion: Psychology of Kin Relations Within and Beyond the Family

“…Anecdotal and experimental evidence supports the former possibility (e.g., self-sacrificial behavior to save fellow soldiers during wartime; also see the above citations), though less is known about the latter possibility. Although designed to test somewhat different hypotheses, Ackerman and Kenrick (2009) conducted a series of studies on intragroup and intergroup romance that have implications both for altruistic behavior and for the prospect of decreased male attraction toward female friends.…”

“…In a series of studies investigating cooperative courtship behaviors, Ackerman and Kenrick (2009) tested the possibility that friends would help each other to achieve romantic goals. The studies revealed that men and women in the U.S. did help their friends in ways akin to Park and Ackerman 29 the help given by kin in other cultures.…”

“…Thus, women are more likely to set up romantic thresholds for men to overcome by demonstrating their quality as a mate. Indeed, the studies showed that women were more likely to help each other build barriers to unwanted romance and even test the value of desirable males, whereas men were more likely to help each other break down those barriers (Ackerman & Kenrick, 2009). Interestingly, opposite-sex friends adjusted the type of help they gave in order to meet their friends' romantic goals.…”