I still haven't found what I'm looking for: Early relational–developmental deficits and the search for repair through the erotic

Abstract

BackgroundThis heuristic study explores the client's experience of seeking to repair early relational deficits through their sexual practices, preferences, desires and relationships.AimsThe aim of this study was to explore the hypothesis that a client's sexual practices, preferences, desires, relationships and needs can offer a direct opportunity to understand their early relational deficits.MethodologyThis study uses heuristic enquiry, seeking to capture the essence of participants' experiences. In‐person, semistructured interviews were conducted with four participants, and transcripts were analysed according to Moustakis' heuristic method.FindingsThe four research participants did seek repair in ways that aligned with the literature in terms of seeking a lost unity, searching for intimacy, to repair damage and resolve splits through the powerful contact of sex. The study demonstrates the irresistible power of the unconscious desire to address unmet needs and the destructive nature of the urgent search for intimacy—and suggests that although a repair through the erotic is sought, it is rarely found.