“I Was Just Fed up of Not Being Myself”: Coming out Experiences of White British Divorced and Separated Gay Fathers

Abstract

Before the so-called "gayby boom" in the 1990s the most common pathway to parenthood for gay men was heterosexual marriage. Since the 1990s most research on gay parenting has focused on intentional gay fathersthose parenting after coming out as gayand the experiences of post-heterosexual divorce gay fathers (PHGF) have largely been overlooked, even though they remain the largest group of gay fathers. Furthermore, most research on this group, and on gay fathers more broadly, has been conducted in the US, with only a small handful of studies examining the experiences of gay fathers elsewhere. The current study aims to begin to address this omission by exploring the experiences of heterosexually divorced and separated UK gay fathers, focusing on their experiential journey from married, ostensibly heterosexual, men to living openly (more or less) as gay fathers. Transcripts of interviews with six white British men were analyzed using interpretative phenomenological analysis. Five themes are reported: (1) The impossibility of being openly gay; (2) "Drowning in normality"; (3) "The point of no return"; (4) The kids are alright; and (5) "It just doesn't seem to compute for people." The findings suggest that for some PHGF little has changed since the earliest research on this group of gay fathers was published in the 1970s. The men in this study had mostly experienced a tumultuous (and sometimes incomplete) journey to gay fatherhood and continued to struggle with feelings of shame and stigma.

Protective Factors That Foster Resilience to HIV/AIDS: Insights and Lived Experiences of Older Gay, Bisexual, and Other Men Who Have Sex with Men

“…These behavioral protective factors included compartmentalizing, serosorting, and volunteering. Many researchers have discussed in the past decade the protective, albeit likely transient, effects that compartmentalizing has afforded to gbMSM who chose to categorically keep their sexual identities, encounters, activities, and HIV statuses separate from their religious identities, families, and work lives [32,[35][36][37][38][39][40]. In these discussions, compartmentalizing was not considered as a behavioral protective factor that could potentially foster the resilience of gbMSM to HIV/AIDS, and more so, as a factor that could be valued and utilized in the development of interventions that are dedicated to fostering HIV resilience.…”

Barriers and Facilitators to Promoting Resilience to HIV/AIDS: A Qualitative Study on the Lived Experiences of HIV-Positive, Racial and Ethnic Minority, Middle-Aged and Older Men Who Have Sex with Men from Ontario, Canada

“…Compartmentalization has been a behavioral strategy that many (including racial and ethnic minority) MSMLWH have come to rely on over the years to gain a degree of protection from the negative impacts of barriers to promoting HIV resilience such as racism and HIV stigma [68][69][70][71]. Although compartmentalization may not directly promote HIV resilience among racial and ethnic minority MSM, its protective effects prevent the decline of their resilience and provides them a reprieve from the sometimes unrelenting harmful effects of systemic factors such as racism and HIV stigma on their wellbeing.…”

A relational investigation of Israeli gay fathers’ experiences of surrogacy, early parenthood, and mental health in the context of the COVID-19 pandemic

“…Second, there is some evidence that gay fathers may experience particular difficulties negotiating the transition to fatherhood, especially in the context of heteronormativity [46]. For instance, research has shown how some men struggle to negotiate the identity "gay father", particularly when faced with heterosexist norms and feelings of internalised shame [47]. Third, the route to gay fatherhood via surrogacy presents unique logistical, legal, and emotional challenges [10,39].…”