Is there a cultural grammar to courtship: A comparison of different courtship styles in the United States?

Abstract

Courtship is an intimate process that, on the one hand, feels unique to its practitioners and, on the other hand, has a collectively shared goal—marriage or at minimum cohabitation. In this study, I seek to find, describe, and analyze the courtship prototype and the culturally feasible variations from the prototype that accommodate the inherent intra-cultural diversity among people. Courtship consists of diverse events intended to culminate in marriage. Studies of the courtship sequence in America are sparse. This is, to my knowledge, the first systematic study of the sequence of emically perceived, important events that constitute the courtship process. Through a series of cognitive mixed-method tasks, three studies were conducted: the first was to elicit the main events of the courtship process; second, to find the perceived prototypical sequence of courtship events; and third to compare the prototype with other feasible variations provided by interlocutors. The findings show that the most prototypical sequence entails initial events in which a couple get to know each other well. This is followed by a declaration of love and then meeting parents and cohabiting. We also found a “traditional” sequence, which entailed “having sex” after marriage. We found two “postmodern” types of sequences in which sexual intercourse occurred before any “getting to know you” event. In a t-test 1, “early sex” event series was found to be as common as the prototype. The main difference was that the prototype was the preferred courtship sequence while the “early sex” process was viewed as common among peers but not preferred. The results of this research show how different cultural beliefs and values influence the placement of events along this sequence. It also supports the importance of the prototype as a source for comparing different courtship styles as reflecting different cultural norms.