We calculate the two-body decay rates of "quirkonium" states formed from quirks that acquire mass solely through electroweak symmetry breaking. We consider SU (N )ic infracolor with two flavors of quirks transforming under the electroweak group (but not QCD) of the Standard Model. In one case, the quirks are in a chiral representation of the electroweak group, while in the other case, a vector-like representation. The differences in the dominant decay channels between "chiral quirkonia" versus "vector-like quirkonia" are striking. Several chiral quirkonia states can decay into the unique two-body resonance channels W H, ZH, tt, tb/bt, and γH, which never dominate for vector-like quirkonia. Additionally, the channels W W , W Z, ZZ, and W γ, are shared among both chiral and vector-like quirkonia. Resonances of dileptons or light quarks (dijets) can dominate for some vector-like quirkonia states throughout their mass range, while these modes never dominate for chiral quirkonia unless the decays into pairs of gauge or Higgs bosons are kinematically forbidden.