There is a paucity of scholarship about what to anticipate in the course of a Ph.D. program, the emotional toll, and embodied experience of a Ph.D. candidate — research that unveils the innards of Ph.D. experiences, predominantly female academics and is more upfront about it is much lacking. A “reflexive narrative approach” combined with a feminist outlook, using memory as a data source has been used to station an understanding of experience into a broader array of literature. By this, the author explores the meaning of her doctoral journey. The author details and describes her experience, thoughts, and struggles with the self and others during this journey. Through this process, the author gains tenor, reckoning, and a better sense of direction for the future.