Governments of contemporary welfare states call upon citizens to care for people with psychiatric or intellectual disabilities. This is deemed sensible and morally just. However, social–psychological theory suggests that stereotyping may stand in the way of engaging into contact. Sociological theory suggests that the giving of help is based on either balanced or generalized reciprocity. Balanced reciprocity depends on one's ability to ‘pay back’, which people with disabilities may have trouble doing. Generalized reciprocity depends on close social bonds, while people with disabilities often have fewer social bonds than other citizens. The current study aimed to find out whether citizens—despite socio‐psychological and sociological theories expecting otherwise—enter into supporting relationships with people with intellectual or psychiatric disabilities. Although we found socio‐psychological and sociological theory to be largely correct, we also found people to be more creative than theory assumes. A smile can be experienced as a return gift, thus including people with intellectual disabilities in the web of balanced reciprocity. Some people create new social bonds to include people with disabilities: they feel close to them because they had a job in the healthcare sector or because they had a family member with a disability. In disadvantaged neighbourhoods, recognition of each other's problems can create feelings of similarity and concomitant reciprocity. Copyright © 2016 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.