Separation Versus Connection, The Gender Controversy: Implications for Counseling Women

Abstract

Traditional developmental theories hold that separation is the primary goal of human emotional development. Numerous current theorists question this notion. They propose that a girl's development of self is dependent on mutually empathic relationships with primary caretakers. This revision of developmental theory has implications for counseling. The counseling relationship with a woman should provide validation for her relational skill and opportunity to practice relational competence within the counseling relationship. Boys and men may also have the need to develop relational competence to secure a strong sense of self. If so, a relational model of counseling would apply to them as well.

The Impact of Same-Sex Friendships on the Weil-Being of Women

“…More recently, feminists have begun to examine women's psychological development in an attempt to redress the systematic exclusion of women's experience in psychological theory and research (Nelson, 1996). This exclusion has lead to the creation of a reality in which women are compared to a standard of mental health derived from theory and research on men.…”

“…Maslow viewed the capacity to form close friendships as an integral component of personality growth and development, an indicator of self-actualization (Rayfield et al, 1987). Bowlby (1969) asserted the importance of attachment bonds in adult life and believed that humans thrive with regular support (Nelson, 1996).…”

“…However, women's friendships have been conspicuously absent from the emergent literature (Barbour, 1996;Bernard, 1981;O'Connor, 1992;Rayfield, Liabre, & Stokes, 1987). This can be explained in part by psychology's neglect of women's experiences in general (Nelson, 1996). Several feminist authors contend that neglect of women's friendships is just a manifestation of a process at work to undermine and devalue "the loving support system embodied in these relationships" (Bernard, 1981, p. 289).…”

The Influence of the Mass Media on Relational Aggression among Females: A Feminist Counseling Perspective

“…They did not permit relational aggression to permeate their relationships and cause undue strain on their female friendships. Had relational aggression been present, it would have likely led to depiction of disconnection among friends, a lack of emotional support, and those individuals would have been more likely to report depression or other types of psychopathology (Nelson, 1996).…”

Maslow and Miller: An Exploration of Gender and Affiliation in the Journey to Competence

“…Traditional developmental theories and models, those of Erikson, of Bowen, and of Mahler (as cited in Nelson, 1996) in particular, stress separation and self-sufficiency. These models value individuation, self-reliance, detachment, and autonomy, and attachment is placed on the periphery of and its importance is discounted in discussions about human development.…”