The “empty womb” in the therapy room? The taboo and potency of the other than mother/childfree body

Abstract

Choosing not to have children remains a quietly controversial decision. Curious about the increasing phenomenon of childlessness coinciding with a recognition of her internalised pronatal conditioning and her gradual realisation that she would not be a mother, the author started researching the parenthood decision in the late 1990s. Through autoethnography this paper explores pronatalism and prejudice towards those without child, particularly those who are voluntarily childless-now commonly known beyond K E Y W O R D S childfreedom, elective childlessness, otherhood, pronatalism, voluntary childlessness I began researching the parenthood decision in the late 1990s when I first realised that having children is a choice-for most people. I wanted to give myself the chance to reflect on the possibility of not being a mother, having always assumed I would become one. I wanted to reflect on the possibility of creating rather than procreating. I soon realised, through researching, talking and listening, that choosing not to have children was a taboo subject. It was also then barely talked about publicly. As time passed, I paid attention to my internalised pronatal conditioning as a result of the more explicit pronatalist assumptions and opinions coming my way. This article is a response to this taboo; it unpacks pronatalism, and explores how it is to be "other" (see Turner, Callaghan, & Gordon-Finlayson, 2016), in my case, other than a mother to human children. This othering is enhanced when those who are childfree embody an intersection of "othernesses," for example in terms of colour, class, race and faith, among other identities. I close by exploring the potency of childfreedom, particularly in the anthropocene, reclaiming and building upon what Peterson and Engwall (2013, p. 387) call the "silent body."In parallel with researching academic literature, conversations were invaluable in my childfree decision making through my late 20s and early 30s, as I became curious about the increasing societal/demographic trend of childlessness. These conversations with friends and family were many and varied in how they related to the parenthood decision: the decision not to bear children, the regret of not bearing children, the ambivalence of being a parent, ambivalence towards engaging with the parenthood decision, the joy of childfreedom contrasted acutely with the immense sorrow of losing a child and finding oneself childless through unexpected and unwanted circumstances.These conversations continue with clients, supervisees and trainees, as well as friends and family. I feel much gratitude to everyone who has talked freely with me.These conversations have offered the richest learning; perhaps because the parenthood/non-parenthood decision remains shrouded in assumptions and taboos, so that this subject is largely only up for discussion in intimate relationships-and for some is never or rarely discussed. It has not been surprising, then, to witness repeatedly the relief expressed when participants are able to talk about this ...