Undervaluing Gratitude: Expressers Misunderstand the Consequences of Showing Appreciation

Abstract

Expressing gratitude improves well-being for both expressers and recipients, but we suggest that an egocentric bias may lead expressers to systematically undervalue its positive impact on recipients in a way that could keep people from expressing gratitude more often in everyday life. Participants in three experiments wrote gratitude letters and then predicted how surprised, happy, and awkward recipients would feel. Recipients then reported how receiving an expression of gratitude actually made them feel. Expressers significantly underestimated how surprised recipients would be about why expressers were grateful, overestimated how awkward recipients would feel, and underestimated how positive recipients would feel. Expected awkwardness and mood were both correlated with participants' willingness to express gratitude. Wise decisions are guided by an accurate assessment of the expected value of action. Underestimating the value of prosocial actions, such as expressing gratitude, may keep people from engaging in behavior that would maximize their own-and others'-well-being.

The Gratitude visit: Student reflections on a positive psychology experiential learning exercise

“…Despite these examples of implementing experiential exercises in positive psychology courses, to our knowledge no study has evaluated students' perceptions of class-required interventions or assignments. One experiential exercise from the intervention literature, the "gratitude visit" exercise (Kumar & Epley, 2018;Seligman et al, 2005), is one of the more involved and difficult exercise to complete as it requires participants to potentially leave their comfort zones and explicitly express gratefulness to another person.…”

“…The assignments were based on evidence-based interventions from the positive psychology literature, including identifying and using one's character strengths (Seligman et al, 2005), listing three things one is grateful for each day for a week (Emmons & McCullough, 2003;Seligman et al, 2005), writing a future obituary for oneself imagining one has lived a fulfilling life (Vail et al, 2012), practicing active and constructive responding to others (Passmore & Oades, 2014), savoring (Jose, Lim, & Bryant, 2012), and engaging in philanthropic versus pleasurable acts (Otake et al, 2006). The course culminated in the "gratitude visit" exercise (Kumar & Epley, 2018;Seligman et al, 2005), the most involved and difficult exercise to complete.…”

“…Compose a letter to them describing your gratitude, and read the letter to that person by phone or in person. Write a 1-2 page essay describing your experience (Kumar & Epley, 2018;Seligman et al, 2005).…”

Networking Platforms

“…27 Research shows that recipients appreciate thank-you notes far more than senders anticipate. 28 Post-job-interview notes as follow-ups appear to be a largely American phenomenon, 29 so it may not be necessary in other cultural contexts.…”

Gracias por todo: Una revisión sobre la gratitud desde la neurobiología a la clínica

“…Pese a lo anterior, se debe considerar que se ha descrito que las personas tienden a preferir los diarios de gratitud, dado que la carta de gratitud cuenta con la posibilidad de un resultado negativo al entregar la carta, y en relación a esto genera una sensación de vulnerabilidad asociada a que, eventualmente, el bienestar personal depende de un otro y de su reacción, es decir, se percibe con un menor autocontrol y de un eventual costo mayor respecto del diario, lo que suele dificultar que las personas inicien y se comprometan con la actividad 51 . Además, las personas tienden a subestimar los beneficios y sobreestimar las consecuencias negativas posibles de expresar su gratitud por este medio 52 .…”