In the milling process, under the high-efficiency and intermittent cutting loads, the instantaneous posture of the milling cutter and the instantaneous cutter-workpiece engagement are in an unstable state. It is difficult to accurately identify the friction and wear boundary of the cutter tooth flank. It has become an urgent problem to be solved in the life evaluation of milling cutters. The characteristics of the instantaneous posture variation of the milling cutter and the distribution of the thermal-stress mechanical coupling field of the flank of cutter tooth under the vibration were studied. Using the cross-scale load transfer method, the cross-scale relationship between the macro and micro friction loads on the cutter tooth flank was realized. The number of broken valence bonds, the sudden change of potential energy and the attenuation of elastic modulus of the super-cell on the flank of cutter tooth were studied. The mesoscopic scale identification method of the friction and wear boundary feature points of the tooth flank was proposed. The instantaneous and cumulative boundary distribution of friction and wear on the flank of cutter tooth were obtained, and verified by experiments.