A Prospective Investigation of the Decision to Open Up a Romantic Relationship

Abstract

Consensual nonmonogamy (CNM) is an increasingly popular relationship option and a burgeoning topic within relationship science. However, retrospective designs have limited our ability to draw conclusions about the consequences of opening up a romantic relationship to other partners. In a longitudinal study, 233 individuals who were planning to engage in CNM, but who had not done so yet, were tracked over 2 months. We compared participants’ relational, sexual, and personal well-being before versus after opening up and between participants who did ( n = 155) versus did not ( n = 78) open up their relationships over the course of the study. Those who engaged in CNM experienced significant increases in sexual satisfaction, particularly if they did so with the explicit goal of addressing sexual incompatibilities within their relationships. We found no evidence that engaging in CNM impacted either life satisfaction or relationship quality with the primary partner.

A Closer Look at Relationship Structures: Relationship Satisfaction and Attachment Among People Who Practice Hierarchical and Non-Hierarchical Polyamory

“…This suggests that the driving force behind the differences between hierarchical and non-hierarchical relationships found in our study may be the lower relationship satisfaction and attachment security of non-primary (secondary and tertiary) partners. Given that relationship satisfaction with a primary partner does not appear to change after opening up a relationship (Murphy, Joel, & Muise, 2021), these findings undermine the conventional stereotype that couples become consensually non-monogamous because their primary partnership is unrewarding or unfulfilling (Conley et al, 2013).…”

Quality of alternatives positively associated with interest in opening up a relationship

“…CNM relationships are consistently devalued on a range of relationship‐relevant traits (e.g., trust, intimacy), and are perceived to be less functional and lower in quality compared to monogamous relationships (Burleigh et al, 2017; Conley et al, 2013; Grunt‐Mejer & Campbell, 2016; Hutzler et al, 2016; Moors et al, 2013; Rodrigues et al, 2017). Although current data on individuals in CNM relationships do not support these negative views (e.g., Murphy et al, 2020), one might expect monogamous individuals to anticipate engagement with CNM to be a potential threat to relational well‐being.…”

“…Individuals in CNM relationships also report that their relationship structures uniquely allow them to meet a wide variety of emotional and physical needs, to be engaged in a variety of sexual and nonsexual activities with different partners, and to experience greater personal growth and development (Conley et al, 2013; Moors et al, 2017). The only longitudinal study on record of individuals entering CNM relationships does indeed show engagement with CNM was associated with an increase in sexual satisfaction, although relationship satisfaction was not significantly changed (Murphy et al, 2020). Despite the potential benefits, one recognized cost of CNM is social stigma.…”

Beyond the Dyad: a Review of the Novel Insights Gained From Studying Consensual Non-monogamy

“…Recent qualitative research with people in CNM relationships found that the most cited benefit of CNM reported by 42% of the sample) was diversified need fulfillment (54). In fact, in a study that followed people who were considering opening up an existing relationship found that one reason people seek out additional partners is to meet needs that are unfulfilled in their current relationships (55). In this study, people who actually opened up to a CNM relationship (compared to those who did not) reported greater sexual satisfaction over the course of two months, and this was especially true if they opened up their relationship to address sexual incompatibilities with their primary partner (55).…”

“…In fact, in a study that followed people who were considering opening up an existing relationship found that one reason people seek out additional partners is to meet needs that are unfulfilled in their current relationships (55). In this study, people who actually opened up to a CNM relationship (compared to those who did not) reported greater sexual satisfaction over the course of two months, and this was especially true if they opened up their relationship to address sexual incompatibilities with their primary partner (55). Indeed, past research has shown that relationships with primary partners are characterized by more commitment, investments, and satisfaction and greater communication than relationships with secondary partners (17; 33), and people tend to rate their primary partners as more desirable long-term partners (56).…”