The proposed physical duality known as 3d mirror symmetry relates the geometries of dual pairs of holomorphic symplectic stacks. It has served in recent years as a guiding principle for developments in representation theory. However, due to the lack of definitions, thus far only small pieces of the subject have been mathematically accessible. In this paper, we formulate abelian 3d mirror symmetry as an equivalence between a pair of 2-categories constructed from the algebraic and symplectic geometry, respectively, of Gale dual toric cotangent stacks.In the simplest case, our theorem provides a spectral description of the 2-category of spherical functors -i.e., perverse schobers on the affine line with singularities at the origin.We expect that our results can be extended from toric cotangent stacks to hypertoric varieties, which would provide a categorification of previous results on Koszul duality for hypertoric categories O. Our methods also suggest approaches to 2-categorical 3d mirror symmetry for more general classes of spaces of interest in geometric representation theory.Along the way, we establish two results that may be of independent interest: (1) a version of the theory of Smith ideals in the setting of stable ∞-categories; and (2) an ambidexterity result for co/limits of presentable enriched ∞-categories over ∞-groupoids.