BDSM Disclosure and Stigma Management: Identifying Opportunities for Sex Education

Abstract

While participation in the activities like bondage, domination, submission/sadism, masochism that fall under the umbrella term BDSM is widespread, stigma surrounding BDSM poses risks to practitioners who wish to disclose their interest. We examined risk factors involved with disclosure to posit how sex education might diffuse stigma and warn of risks. Semi-structured interviews asked 20 adults reporting an interest in BDSM about their disclosure experiences. Most respondents reported their BDSM interests starting before age 15, sometimes creating a phase of anxiety and shame in the absence of reassuring information. As adults, respondents often considered BDSM central to their sexuality, thus disclosure was integral to dating. Disclosure decisions in nondating situations were often complex considerations balancing desire for appropriateness with a desire for connection and honesty. Some respondents wondered whether their interests being found out would jeopardize their jobs. Experiences with stigma varied widely.

A Constellation of Stigmas: Intersectional Stigma Management and the Professional Dominatrix

“…The dominatrices in our study were likely to engage in selective concealment, concealing their careers from relatives or friends they had prior to becoming pro-dommes. Consistent with research on other stigmatized identities (Bezreh et al 2012;Thompson et al 2003), factors such as closeness of familial relationship and perceptions of friends' outlooks towards sexuality influenced our interviewees' decisions to conceal or reveal their work:…”

“…Stiles and Clark (2011) explain that SM is still a highly stigmatized and little understood form of sexuality. While they did not interview people who engage in SM for money, Bezreh et al (2012) and Stiles and Clark (2011) find that SM practitioners conceal their sexual proclivities out of a fear that they will be interpreted as mentally ill, violent, unethical, or immoral. Survey research demonstrates that more than a third of SM-identified people have experienced some kind of violence or harassment in response to their SM practices and 30% experienced job discrimination (Wright 2006:226).…”

“…Furthermore, in contrast to other female sex workers who are paid to perform normative heterosexual sexuality with male clients, described by Bernstein (2007) as the "girlfriend experience," the dominatrix is paid by clients to perform a wide range of acts considered non-normative, such as tying them up and whipping them (Lindemann 2012). Thus, they also react to stigma directed toward practitioners of SM (Bezreh, Weinberg, and Edgar 2012;Reiersl and Skeid 2006;Stiles and Clark 2011;Wright 2006).…”

An Exploratory Study of a New Kink Activity: “Pup Play”

“…Supporting this idea, participants spoke of disclosing their sexual acts in a strategic and controlled manner (see Bezreh, Weinberg & Edgar, 2012), generally limiting disclosure of involvement in pup play to other pups, primarily through social media. Only a minority discussed pup play with friends not involved in pup play.…”

The Cyborg Mermaid (or: How Technè Can Help the Misfits Fit In)

“…Despite these large numbers, BDSM is still associated with a social stigma. It is often thought that BDSM participants are psychologically unhealthy and participating in BDSM is often seen as perverse [34][35][36]. Due to this stigma, respondents often kept their desires to themselves and away from public spheres and places.…”