Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship

Abstract

We propose that, because cross-sex friendships are a historically recent phenomenon, men’s and women’s evolved mating strategies impinge on their friendship experiences. In our first study involving pairs of friends, emerging adult males reported more attraction to their friend than emerging adult females did, regardless of their own or their friend’s current relationship status. In our second study, both emerging and middle-aged adult males and females nominated attraction to their cross-sex friend as a cost more often than as a benefit. Younger females and middle-aged participants who reported more attraction to a current cross-sex friend reported less satisfaction in their current romantic relationship. Our findings implicate attraction in cross-sex friendship as both common and of potential negative consequence for individuals’ long-term mateships.

Sex Differences in Young Adults’ Attraction to Opposite-Sex Friends: Natural Sampling versus Mental Concepts

“…In short, we failed to replicate the significant sex difference documented in previous studies (Bleske-Rechek and Buss 2001;Bleske-Rechek et al 2012;Kaplan and Keys 1997). The sex difference we observed was small in magnitude, rather than moderate to strong, and not statistically significant.…”

“…Men also are more likely than women to report having initiated friendships with a member of the opposite sex because of their feelings of attraction toward them (Salkicevic 2014). It is perhaps not surprising, then, that in studies in which young adults have been asked to either think of an opposite-sex friend or bring an opposite-sex friend to the lab, men report more attraction (Bleske-Rechek et al 2012) and more sexual and romantic desire toward that person than women do (Bleske-Rechek and Buss 2001;Kaplan and Keys 1997). Thus, in study 3, we tested the hypothesis that men and women have somewhat different types of people in mind when they think of opposite-sex friends.…”

“…Evolutionary researchers have proposed that opposite-sex friendships might trigger men's and women's mating strategies (Bleske and Buss 2000;Bleske-Rechek et al 2012). For example, men's stronger attention to physical attractiveness (Buss 1989) and short-term mating orientation (Buss and Schmitt 1993), relative to women's, should manifest in their experiences with opposite-sex friendships.…”

“…For example, men's stronger attention to physical attractiveness (Buss 1989) and short-term mating orientation (Buss and Schmitt 1993), relative to women's, should manifest in their experiences with opposite-sex friendships. Indeed, one of the most consistent findings on attraction in young adults' opposite-sex friendships is that men report more attraction to their opposite-sex friends than women do (Bleske-Rechek and Buss 2001;Kaplan and Keys 1997;Bleske-Rechek et al 2012). For example, Kaplan and Keys (1997) had US undergraduates tell them about a close cross-sex friend of theirs; when the participants reported how physically attractive they thought their closest cross-sex friend was, how much they would enjoy having sex with their friend, and how often they touched their friend, men's ratings were substantially higher than women's (mean difference of 3.5 on a 21-point scale; d = 0.72).…”

“…When Bleske-Rechek and Buss (2001) asked a sample of US undergraduates to think about their "closest, most important opposite-sex friend who is not a long-term romantic partner," men rated their friend as more sexually attractive than women did (mean difference of 1.5 on a seven-point scale; d = 0.45) and reported more frequent desire to have sex with their friend than women did (mean difference of 1.5 on a seven-point scale; d = 0.41). In another study, Bleske-Rechek et al (2012) asked young men and women to bring with them to the lab a "friend of the opposite sex who was neither from class nor a family member or romantic partner." The researchers assessed sexual attraction and physical attraction (alpha = .93) and found that in these dyads, men reported more attraction to their friend than women did (mean difference of 1.0 on a nine-point scale; d = 0.66).…”