Utilizing data drawn from online and print advertisements, this research compares the green advertising techniques of companies with well-documented strong and weak social and environmental track records. Notwithstanding more subtle, divergent narratives suggesting that more responsible companies direct the consumer gaze toward more political and systemic issues while their counterparts tend to emphasize relatively low-cost, scientific, and philanthropic efforts, the main findings indicate that all companies employ a very similar grand narrative focused on consumer empowerment regardless of their actual ethical track record. This suggests that most attempts, by consumers and scholars alike, to determine anything meaningful about actual corporate practices via an analysis of environmental advertising, may be largely futile. A dramaturgical framework is employed to argue that the findings are most suitably explained by reframing green advertising as a form of impression management for an audience of ethical consumers. Thus, greenwashing emerges only when such performances are contradicted by a company’s actual environmental track record. The author proposes a more relational definition of greenwashing to reorient the analytical focus on the processes behind, and connections between, the product, the company, and the industry, including their broader cultural context.