We develop an analytical statistical-mechanical model to study the dynamic properties of liquid water. In this two-dimensional model, neighboring waters can interact through a hydrogen bond, a van der Waals contact, or an ice-like cage structure or have no interaction. We calculate the diffusion coefficient, viscosity, and thermal conductivity versus temperature and pressure. The trends follow those seen in the water experiments. The model explains that in warm water, heating drives faster diffusion but less interaction, so the viscosity and conductivity decrease. Cooling cold water causes poorer energy exchange because water's ice-like cages are big and immobile and collide infrequently. The main antagonism in water dynamics is not between vdW and H bonds, but it is an interplay between both those pair interactions, multibody cages, and no interaction. The value of this simple model is that it is analytical, so calculations are immediate, and it gives interpretations based on molecular physics.