The nonpolar nature of polyolefins is one of their biggest limitations. Now, an efficient route to generate polar‐functionalized, crosslinkable, self‐healing, photoresponsive polyolefins with thermoplastic, elastomeric, and thermosetting properties is reported. Tunable amounts of carboxylic acid and a cyclic comonomer are installed onto polyolefins by palladium‐catalyzed terpolymerization reactions. The incorporated carboxylic acid unit can alter the surface properties of polyolefins. The subsequently introduced Fe3+/citric acid combination induces dynamic crosslinking and enables self‐healing. Under UV light irradiation, citric acid reduces Fe3+ to Fe2+ and decreases the crosslinking density. The Fe2+ moiety can be easily oxidized back to Fe3+, making the process reversible at the expense of citric acid. The incorporated cyclic comonomer modulates the crystallinity of polyolefins, provides elastic properties, and installs carbon–carbon double bonds for sulfur‐induced vulcanization.