Colliding Intersubjectivites: Transparency in Analytic Couple Therapy

Abstract

Using a research‐informed version of how analysts think and work, this paper renders more explicit and transparent how analytic concepts can inform working with couples. It describes how each partner's subjectively held belief systems interlock and escalate, which is referred to as ‘colliding subjectivities.’ The paper illustrates the potential for this situation of heightened tension to facilitate change.

Neuroscience and a Countertransference Impasse in a Neurotypical‐Neurodiverse Analytic Couples Therapy

“…It was so loud that I had to open a window.’

Mary: As if ready to burst. ‘You're impossible, you won't take any responsibility!’

Jack: Silently turns away.

In spite of the way I am feeling, I attempt to make an interpretation that addresses both their subjectivities and vulnerabilities and how they collide (Israelstam, 2017).

I comment: ‘It's clear that you were hurt by Mary's reaction to you.

…”

“…I will describe a neurodiverse 1 -neurotypical couple whose fundamental difficulties lay in their failed capacity to know the mind of the other, resulting in a collision of their subjectivities, each activating the vulnerability of the other, resulting in an escalating vicious cycle (Israelstam, 2016(Israelstam, , 2017. I will describe how I initially lost my capacity to know the husband Jack's true inner mental emotional workings.…”

The Narcissism of Minor Differences as Distance Regulators in Core Intimacy Problems

“…My training in couple and family systems therapy prior to becoming a psychoanalyst facilitated, I believe, a capacity to identify the systemic nature of psychoanalysis (Israelstam, ). I came to understand that psychoanalysis requires an understanding of the rich and complex systemic relationship between analyst and patient, and between the patient's and analyst's internalised family systems.…”

“…In my mind I work systemically , be it with an individual, a couple, or a family. I am encouraged to notice in the current literature a growing trend that reveals how analysts are working more systemically and relationally, and how couple and family therapists are turning to analytic ideas to enrich their work (Clulow, ; Flaskas, ; Glasgow, ; Israelstam, ; Larner, ).…”

“…This notion of use of countertransference, containing and mentally processing emotional tension from an outside third position, rather than intervening and interpreting, is central to analytic work (Bion, ). It is interesting to note that these techniques have also been taken up by contemporary couple and family therapists (Clulow, ; Flaskas, ; Glasgow, ; Israelstam, ; Larner, ).…”