Coming out, coming home: Helping families adjust to a gay or lesbian child

Abstract

Coming Out, Coming Home is a timely presentation of the struggles and family dynamics related to coming out. In 1996, Doherty and Simmons reported that only 54% of marriage and family therapists (MFTs) felt competent working with GLBTQ clients. Since that time, researchers and educators have been moving toward a more comprehensive and inclusive preparedness in their work on the topic of sexual orientation, in both clinical and training program settings (e. g., Long & Serovich, 2003;Green, Murphy, Blumer, & Palmanteer, 2009). LaSala enhances the dialog of coming out experiences by incorporating a family systems perspective. Rather than focusing on only GLBTQ individuals and their experiences, he includes the roles and responses families of origin and extended families have to this event. LaSala's qualitative study, which forms the basis of this book, consists of interviews with 65 gays, lesbians, and their parents about their experiences of the coming out process, the result of which is compelling research that both synthesizes findings and provides clinical insight and direction.Unique to this work is the incorporation of a developmental ''family coming out process.'' This framework extends the coming out model beyond an individual perspective by presenting a four-phase model of family coming out processes. LaSala enriches the presentation of these developmental phases with direct quotes from his research and clinical interpretations. Along the way, he comprehensively integrates previous research on gay and lesbian coming out processes.One of the book's weaknesses, which LaSala acknowledges, relates to the increased level of outness, and comfort participants had related to sexual identity at the time of data collection. This level of comfort may have allowed both the individuals and their family members to candidly reflect upon their experiences in the interviews; however, these data may not account for those families and individuals stuck in one of the aforementioned developmental phases. LaSala provides the reader with previous research, participants' reflections, and personal clinical experience to address this gap.In my clinical experience, I like to think that there is a growing sense of acceptance, in general, surrounding the coming out process for both individuals and families. LaSala depicts the first act of coming out as somewhat of a catastrophic conflict. I have found that some clients, to my surprise at times, do not view this event as overtly difficult. This trend is not documented in current research; however, in my 10 years of clinical work with GLBTQ populations, I am seeing more and more gay and lesbian adolescents and their parents who seem to seamlessly and comfortably move into the final phase of integration (the family renewal phase) that LaSala presents. LaSala mentions starting from ''where the client is'' (p. 44) in their coming out process. This is valuable advice for clinicians; some clients might perceive coming out as a crisis, while others might more comfortably integrate the gay and ...

Chinese Lesbian and Gay Adults’ Self-Reported Experiences of Negative Treatment and Violence From Family of Origin: Evidence From a Larger-Scale Study in China

“…Research has found that the relationship between lesbian and gay youth and their family is often contentious. Lesbian and gay youth found coming out to family members a big challenge (LaSala, 2010;Pistella, Caricato & Baiocco, 2019). After coming out to their family members, lesbian and gay youth experienced not only negative attitudes but also different forms of emotional violence, including emotional rejection or active neglect (Bos et al, 2019;Friedman et al, 2011;Martinez & McDonald, 2017).…”

Association between co-residence and loneliness during COVID-19 among sexual minority people in Hong Kong

“…There is an extended literature that documents the often contentious relationship between sexual minority people and their family members (LaSala, 2010;Pistella et al, 2019). It also shows that sexual minority people experienced negative attitudes, emotional violence (Bos et al, 2019;Friedman et al, 2011;Martinez & McDonald, 2017) and physical abuse (Friedman et al, 2011) from their parents and other family members.…”

Predictors of attitudes toward potentially having a lesbian, gay, or bisexual child among Chinese heterosexual adults

“…The tripartite framework of attitudes conceptualizes attitudes based on three domains: affective/emotional responses, cognitive responses, and behavioral responses (Zanna & Rempel, 2008). These attitudes may, respectively, manifest in negative emotions, disapproval and self‐blaming thoughts, and negative and positive actions (LaSala, 2010). These three domains do not always coincide; for example, a parent may experience negative emotions about their child's LGB identity (e.g., worries about the child's future) but show supportive behaviors (Lin & Hudley, 2009).…”