Comparison Can Be a Basis for Resilience Rather Than the Thief of Joy

Abstract

Each of us knows that life involves challenges, and times that are difficult to get through. It can be argued that getting through those difficulties makes us stronger, and more resilient to future difficulties that inevitably lie ahead. While getting through difficult times, we learn new strategies for success, new problem solving skills, or even just that we are stronger and more durable than we may have thought. Over the past year and more, we have all been living with massive disruptions of our lives -personal, professional and educational. When living through a challenge becomes the marathon we have all been experiencing since early 2020, it is reasonable to feel put upon by the universe. Being angry, sad, frightened, exhausted and anxious are all completely normal and indeed reasonable responses to what we have been going through. Accepting that life involves ups and downs does not mean we are ready for such long-lasting stress. Despite everything that is going on, people still must earn a living and take care of their family, children still must learn how to take their place in the world, and the cooperation required for a successful human society still must continue.In the face of life-disrupting events, there are some people who handle difficulty better and seem less disrupted on a day-to-day basis. There are several possible explanations for this resilience. They may have gone through something similar already, and as a result are more confident that they will get through a new challenge. There have been reports that older folk tend to be maintaining their spirits during the pandemic better than those who are younger, perhaps in part due to more life experience and thus more chances to have practiced overcoming challenges. 1 Some people also may be inherently more positive in their outlook on life, and therefore be harder to throw off kilter when things go wrong. We all know someone who somehow keeps a bright outlook despite whatever is going on around them. Depending on our own personality, these people may help us feel more positive as well, or they may frustrate us with their "overly optimistic" outlook. Or the people who are less bothered by events around them may have developed skills they can use when facing a challenge, which helps them maintain a sense that things aren't quite that bad yet. We don't have control over how old and experienced we are, and except in limited circumstances can usually make only small changes in our basic personality and temperament. However, we can all learn skills related to how we think about a situation and direct the reaction we have to what is happening.Two studies of satisfaction in Olympic medalists examine one of these skills: counterfactual thinking, or the comparison of actual events to what could have happened. Both studies examined the initial responses of medal winners to determine how satisfied they were with the outcome of their event. Although gold medalists were the most satisfied as a group, the bronze medalists were determined to be more satisfied t...