There is a lack of research that examines and compares the perspectives of students and their parents and teachers with respect to cyberbullying. Qualitative data were drawn from a mixed methods study on cyberbullying among students in grades 4, 7, and 10, in a large urban school board. Interviews with 13 students and their parents and teachers took place during year one and with students and parents in year three. Data analysis occurred through an ongoing process of open, axial, and selective coding. Overall, the youth and adults demonstrated similar understanding of cyberbullying. It emerged, however, that for the youth participants, telling about their cyberbullying experiences was a relational process. In contrast, the adult participants made little mention of these relational aspects in their explanations. We characterize this relational process as students' use of benchmarks (point of reference) and bellwethers (someone or something that is used as a predictor), throughout their decision-making (both implicit and explicit). It is important that this relational process of telling, for example, deciding whether and to whom to disclose, informs education and intervention strategies. Keywords Cyberbullying. Relational aspects of cyberbullying. Cyberbullying perspectives of youth and adults. Understanding cyberbullying. Cyberbullying disclosure