Desires, Expectations and the Sexual Practices of Married and Cohabiting Heterosexual Women

Abstract

This article draws on qualitative interviews in order to analyse the ways in which heterosexual women reconcile their everyday lived sexual practices, expectations and desires. Focusing on the accounts of twenty women in long-term relationships, analysis suggests that the sexual practices of the women interviewed continue to be largely conducted within a dominant heteronormative framework. This runs contrary to claims about the democratisation or queering of sexual relations ( Giddens 1992 ; Roseneil 2000 ). I argue that participants’ sexual desires and expectations are undermined by essentialist understandings of masculinity and femininity, with shifts in the outward forms of heterosexuality having a limited impact upon sexual practices which continue to be entrenched in heteronormative ideals.

An everyday affair: deciphering the sociological significance of women’s attitudes towards infidelity

“…From this perspective, affairs are particularly threatening as they withdraw intimacy from the couple, without the knowledge of the other partner in the primary relationship. As Jamieson points out, 'couple arrangements remain a cherished ideal ' (2004: 36); in fact we can see from other research (Gabb et al, 2013;van Hooff, 2013) the increasing centrality of the sexual couple to personal life. Where previously various roles in our lives were filled by a host of actors, our partners today face the unenviable task of having to both meet our needs for predictability, stability and support as well as adventure, novelty and seduction (Perel, 2007).…”

“…This paper is based on research investigating women’s experiences and expectations of their primary relationships. I draw on a larger project, which explored the extent to which heterosexual couple relationships have become increasingly contingent and detraditionalized (van Hooff, 2013) alongside a more recent project specifically exploring the sexual and intimate lives of a small number of women in long-term heterosexual relationships (van Hooff, 2015). The importance of sexual fidelity emerged in all of the interviews with the 12 women aged 20–35 in long-term heterosexual relationships from the earlier study, and are drawn on here.…”

Women (Not) Troubling “the Family”: Exploring Women’s Narratives of Gendered Family Practices

“…This tension is also apparent in British social attitudes: while generally becoming more liberal regarding issues of sexuality (such as same-sex relationships and sex before marriage), studies are finding consistently strict social attitudes toward sex outside of ongoing couple relationships (e.g., Carter, 2012;National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles, 2013; Park & Rhead, 2013; van Hooff, 2015). Positioning such couple relationships—whether married or not—as family-like, this section highlights the connection participants made between appropriate female sexuality, traditional gendered norms, and family practices.…”

“…Thus, Catriona (19, LAT) explained, “I think girls that do that [causal sex] get more of a reputation but I think then they should do cause it’s more intrusive to a girl’s body so I think you have to respect yourself more.” Such a biological understanding of sex places women as passively intruded upon, in turn shaping the social and cultural view of sex as damaging to women (and their reputations) and something they should both resist and control. Thus, before entering relationships, women are expected to limit their (outward) sexual desire and encounters, and within relationships, women are responsible for maintaining an appropriate sex life (van Hooff, 2015).…”

Who gets custody of the friends? Online narratives of changes in friendship networks following relationship breakdown

“…Arguments about the impact of late modern social and demographic transformations have led to suggestions that increasing weight is being given to elected ties, such as friendship, in place of more traditional bonds in contemporary personal life. However, most research (Cronin, 2015;van Hooff, 2015) continues to suggest the centrality of the couple in intimate life, with boundaries carefully reinforced and delineated between friendship and partner bonds (Jamieson, 1998). Research has tended to focus on the experiences of couples (Heaphy et al, 2013;Gabb and Fink, 2015), singles (Reynolds and Taylor, 2005;Sandfield and Percy, 2003) or friends (Spencer and Pahl, 2006;Allan, 2008), and where research has examined relationship breakdown it has focused on the consequences of separation for couples and families (for example Bakker et al, 2015), rather than wider networks.…”