Dirty laundry: The nature and substance of seeking relationship help from strangers online

Abstract

Interpersonal relationships are vital to our well-being. In recent years, it has become increasingly common to seek relationship help through anonymous online platforms. Accordingly, we conducted a large-scale analysis of real-world relationship help-seeking to create a descriptive overview of the nature and substance of online relationship help-seeking. By analyzing the demographic characteristics and language of relationship help-seekers on Reddit ( N = 184,631), we establish the first-ever big data analysis of relationship help-seeking and relationship problems in situ among the general population. Our analyses highlight real-world relationship struggles found in the general population, extending beyond past work that is typically limited to counseling/intervention settings. We find that relationship problem estimates from our sample are closer to those found in the general population, providing a more generalized insight into the distribution and prevalence of relationship problems as compared with past work. Further, we find several meaningful associations between relationship help-seeking behavior, gender, and attachment. Notably, numerous gender differences in help-seeking and romantic attachment emerged. Our findings suggest that, contrary to more traditional contexts, men are more likely to seek help with their relationships online, are more expressive of their emotions (e.g., discussing the topic of “heartache”), and show language patterns generally consistent with more secure attachment. Our analyses highlight pathways for further exploration, providing even deeper insights into the timing, lifecycle, and moderating factors that influence who, what, why, and how people seek help for their interpersonal relationships.

Mapping Men’s Mental Health Help-Seeking After an Intimate Partner Relationship Break-Up

“…Participants in the current study rallied (and relied on) emotional support from friends and family, purposefully extended new psychosocial resources for objective help, and/or engaged professional care. Men’s widespread use of self-help relationship books affirms previous findings (Doss et al, 2009) and their uptake of peer and community-based group programs, e-relationship, and mental health resources (Entwistle et al, 2021; Ogrodniczuk et al, 2021; Oliffe et al, 2020) underscores the expansive nature of men’s help beyond the predominance of professional mental health care services. Pre-COVID-19 work by Best and colleagues (2016) indicated that young men’s mental health help-seeking relied on connecting with trusted friends online and offline, and these pathways facilitated emotional disclosure, while formal online help was accessed and deeply valued for its anonymity, confidentiality and content.…”

“…There have also been calls to broaden what counts as help beyond the predominance of professional mental health care services as a means to fully account for (and cater to) men’s help-seeking (Fletcher & St George, 2010). Herein, men’s use of relationship self-help books (Doss et al, 2009) and online mental health resources and forums (Entwistle et al, 2021; Oliffe et al, 2020) emerge as somewhat normative, and perhaps mainstream contemporary masculine practices. Likewise, informal supports including family, friends, and community-based programs meet the mental health needs of many men.…”

“…Sex differences research consistently reports that males have greater risk for suicidality (suicidal ideation, behaviors, and/or attempts) after a relationship break-up (Evans et al, 2016), with divorced men being 8-times more likely to die by suicide compared to divorced women (Kposowa, 2003). Although men may conceal their distress publicly, they are more likely than women to anonymously seek-help for their relationships online and/or express their emotions (i.e., heartache) (Entwistle et al, 2021). Masculinities theory (Connell, 2005) can provide important insights to the gendered dimensions of these (and other) sex differences pertaining to intimate partner relationships.…”

Introduction to the special issue on communication technologies and relationships

“…Furthermore, many of the articles in this collection also identify what technology allows relationship partners to do (e.g., affordances) to achieve their relationship goals. For example, (Entwistle et al, 2021) mention that in seeking help online, Reddit provides help-seekers, who can remain anonymous, free insights from a large number of diverse individuals. These benefits are particularly valuable when coping with intimate or stigmatized topics that may be hard to share with family and friends.…”

“…All but one has at least briefly considered a theoretical perspective or concepts in reporting on their research. Some of the theoretical views referenced are prominent perspectives such as: attachment theory (David & Roberts, 2021; Entwistle et al, 2021), social learning theory (Poulin & Boon), the relational turbulence model (Brinberg et al, 2021), media multiplexity theory (Macdonald et al, 2021; Russell et al, 2021), and socio-emotional selectivity theory (Macdonald et al, 2021). Other authors use less prominent or more narrowly focused theories such as electronic propinquity theory (Holtzman et al, 2021).…”