Retail work has a prominent place in the Canadian job market in an era of global capitalism and consumption. Despite spanning an astonishing array of industries, this work is most often low-paying, low-status and un-unionized, leaving workers vulnerable to exploitation and discrimination from their employers. This qualitative content analysis of 1454 anonymous reviews of 25 Canadian retail employers posted on RateMyEmployer.ca explores how intersections of class, race and gender shape how workers make sense of difficult work experiences and their relative social privilege. We draw on Hewitt and Hall’s concept of quasi-theorization to frame how everyday experiences of work justify foregone conclusions that allow reviewers to reassert status. Set against highly gendered, raced and classed expectations of the helpful, deferential, hardworking and cheerful retail worker, these quasi-theories demonstrate that ethnic and racial bias, reactive masculinities and battles between working-class supervisors and middle-class student employees lead to unresolved friction that erupts in anonymous, online spaces.