We determine the spin exchange coupling J between two electrons located in two vertically tunnelcoupled quantum dots, and its variation when magnetic (B) and electric (E) fields (both in-plane and perpendicular) are applied. We predict a strong decrease of J as the in-plane B field is increased, mainly due to orbital compression. Combined with the Zeeman splitting, this leads to a singlettriplet crossing, which can be observed as a pronounced jump in the magnetization at in-plane fields of a few Tesla, and perpendicular fields of the order of 10 Tesla for typical self-assembled dots. We use harmonic potentials to model the confining of electrons, and calculate the exchange J using the Heitler-London and Hund-Mulliken technique, including the long-range Coulomb interaction. With our results we provide experimental criteria for the distinction of singlet and triplet states and therefore for microscopic spin measurements. In the case where dots of different sizes are coupled, we present a simple method to switch on and off the spin coupling with exponential sensitivity using an in-plane electric field. Switching the spin coupling is essential for quantum computation using electronic spins as qubits.