Indoxyl sulfate (IxS) and p-cresyl sulfate (pCS) are toxic uremic compounds with documented pathological outcomes. This review critically and comprehensively analyzes the available liquid chromatography-mass spectrometry methods quantifying IxS and pCS in human matrices and the biological applications of these validated assays. Embase, Medline, PubMed, Scopus, and Web of Science were searched until December 2023 to identify assays with complete analytical and validation data (N = 23). Subsequently, citation analysis with PubMed and Scopus was utilized to identify the biological applications for these assays (N = 45). The extraction methods, mobile phase compositions, chromatography, and ionization methods were evaluated with respect to overall assay performance (e.g., sensitivity, separation, interference). Most of the assays focused on human serum/plasma, utilizing acetonitrile or methanol (with ammonium acetate/formate or formic/acetic acid), liquid–liquid extraction, reverse phase (e.g., C18) chromatography, and gradient elution for analyte separation. Mass spectrometry conditions were also consistent in the identified papers, with negative electrospray ionization, select multiple reaction monitoring transitions and deuterated internal standards being the most common approaches. The validated biological applications indicated IxS and/or pCS were correlated with renal disease progression and cardiovascular outcomes, with limited data on central nervous system disorders. Methods for reducing IxS and/or pCS concentrations were also identified (e.g., drugs, natural products, diet, dialysis, transplantation) where inconsistent findings have been reported. The clinical monitoring of IxS and pCS is gaining significant interest, and this review will serve as a useful compendium for scientists and clinicians.