Evoking the Female ‘Asexual’: Narrating the Silenced Self

Abstract

In the twenty-first century, asexuality is defined as a 'lack' of sexual attraction. This definition is problematic as it erodes individual idiosyncrasies, assumes that everybody is sexual and that sexuality is immutable. At this juncture, a study of female (a)sexualities is long overdue. Until recently, Myra T. Johnson's chapter on asexual and autoerotic women was perhaps the only piece written on this subject. She highlighted the dangers of reducing asexual-identified women to symbols of spiritual devotion or political consciousness at the absence of examining their lived realities, a concern that still resonates.In this piece of performative writing, which speaks to Nguyen's 'me-search,' I seek to invoke the lost voice of the female asexual by weaving queer and feminist theories of sexuality with my self-narrative, which explores my journey from asexuality to autoeroticism. Drawing on Ahmed's 'queer phenomenology,' which reconceptualises sexual orientation as the lived body's relationship with time and space, I posit asexuality as a re-oriented queer sensibility. Traversing key scenes from my trajectory, I seek to convey silences, ambivalences, transitions and becomings, thus highlighting the elusiveness of identity categories.Ultimately, I wish to address Johnson's vision by narrating the lived realities of female (a)sexualities, beyond representations.

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“…Recent research (Blinne, 2012; Sadlier, 2018b) has extended Sedgwick’s (1995) theorisations. Blinne (2012: 953) develops the concept of auto(erotic)ethnography, drawing on Plummer’s (1995) work on sexual stories.…”

“…Blinne (2012: 960) highlights the connection between writing and autoeroticism, by stating that they both ‘construct, embody, and perform in relational arenas’. Sadlier’s (2018b) work further develops this approach, by articulating her journey from asexuality to autoeroticism, through poetry and prose that engage with dance and movement. In the process, she challenges the linear focus of traditional life writing, with particular reference to the articulation of queer identities, by highlighting the power of transformational moments, where the individual and collective become enmeshed.…”

“…Structurally speaking, this article will test the boundaries of academic writing, as it will combine interdisciplinary scholarship on dance and sexuality, and my self-narrative. Richardson's (1988Richardson's ( , 1997 work on collective stories and creative analytic practices (1999), as well as research that explores the intricate connection between self-narrative and autoeroticism (Blinne, 2012;Sadlier, 2018b;Sedgwick, 1995), is useful for theorising my approach.…”