We provide predictions for the rapidity distributions of exclusive photoproduced J/ψ and Υ mesons, and Z 0 bosons, at the Tevatron and LHC. We use the equivalent-photon approximation with the photon-proton cross sections given by the impact parameter dependent dipole saturation model, which has already been shown to give a good description of a wide variety of HERA data. We derive the quark-antiquark light-cone wave functions of timelike neutral electroweak bosons. An essential difference is pointed out between the amplitude for timelike heavy boson photoproduction and the amplitude for deeply virtual Compton scattering.