Expect and you shall perceive: People who expect better in turn perceive better behaviors from their romantic partners.

Abstract

People who are happy with their romantic relationships report that their partners are particularly effective at meeting their everyday relational needs. However, the literature invites competing predictions about how people arrive at those evaluations. In pilot research, we validated a scale of concrete, specific relationship behaviors that can be performed by a romantic partner day-to-day. In Study 1, cross-lagged panel models examined how expectations of positive behaviors, perceptions of positive behaviors, and relationship quality predict changes in one another from week to week. People who expected more positive behaviors in turn perceived more positive behaviors from their partners 1 week later. Key effects extended to negative relationship behaviors (Study 2). In Study 3, the same pattern emerged in a dyadic sample, with expected behaviors predicting changes in perceived behaviors independent of the partner's own reports. Truth and bias analyses revealed that people with lower expectations had more negatively biased perceptions of their partners' behaviors, whereas high expectations were associated with better accuracy. We obtained these results in the context of specific, verifiable behaviors reported on over relatively short periods, underscoring how powerfully people's everyday relationship perceptions may be shaped by their more global perceptions.

How individuals perceive their partner’s relationship behaviors when worrying about finances

“…Another limitation is the measure of relationship behaviors. We assessed ratings of supportive behaviors during one interaction ( van Erp et al, 2011 ; Study 1) and of the frequency of a range of positive and negative behaviors over the course of one week ( Joel et al, 2022 , Study 2). Both types of assessments were only snapshots of behaviors participants experienced in their relationships rather than an exhaustive assessment of all the behaviors participants experienced.…”

“…Next, we assessed reports of relationship behaviors in the same time period with a 33-item relationship behavior scale for participants’ own and their partner’s behavior ( Joel et al, 2022 ) on a 4-pt scale ( 1 = Not in the last week, 2 = Once in the last week, 3 = Several times in the last week, 4 = All the time in the last week ). The scale included 18 positive behaviors ( told my partner that I appreciate him/her, complimented my partner, been physically affectionate, been willing to try new things, expressed sexual interest, arranged fun things to do together, made an effort to clean up after myself, initiated sexual activities, done something nice for my partner, told my partner how much he/she means to me, talked about issues in our relationship, took care of things so my partner could relax, made an effort to look good for my partner, helped my partner solve a problem, initiated discussions to talk things over, helped without being asked, made an effort to spend time and do things with my partner, protected my partner from stress ) and 15 negative behaviors ( said something that hurt my partner’s feelings, demanded too much of my partner’s time or energy, expressed suspicion or distrust, avoided sexual activities, hid my feelings, been distracted or disengaged when my partner tried to talk to me, teased my partner in a mean, non-joking manner, refused to consider my partner’s point of view, been flirty with someone else, neglected chores, neglected my partner’s sexual needs, been too busy to spend quality time, been unwilling to discuss issues, done small things that irritate my partner, bored my partner with mundane stories ).…”

“…Notably, perceptions of such behaviors tend to be more strongly linked to relationship quality than actual relationship behaviors as reported by the partner (e.g., Dobson et al, 2021;Joel et al, 2022;Reis et al, 2004). For example, people who feel more satisfied with their relationships tend to expect and, in turn, perceive more positive behaviors and fewer negative behaviors from their partners, over and above their partners' reports of their own behaviors (Joel et al, 2022). The present studies examine the role of financial stress and worry in the perception of relationship behaviors.…”

“…In the next study we examined perception of both positive and negative behaviors (H1, H2a, H2b). In a recent set of studies, Joel and colleagues (2022) created an extensive list of concrete relationship behaviors that are overtly performed. Thus, these behaviors can be perceived by the partner, generated from multiple relationship samples’ reports of commonly performed behaviors in relationships.…”

Self-expansion perceptions and behaviors uniquely contribute to relationship quality over time.

“…In contrast to self-expansion behaviors and current perceptions, empirical studies have largely neglected perceptions of how a romantic partner and relationship may be self-expanding in the future . Distinguishing perceptions of potential from current perceptions is important because people are motivated by both current and future rewards (Gilbert & Wilson, 2007; Wilson & Gilbert, 2003), and relationship expectations have important consequences for relationship quality (e.g., Joel et al, 2023; Lemay & Venaglia, 2016). For example, partners’ forecasts of satisfaction in their relationships shape their later experiences of satisfaction and commitment (e.g., Baker et al, 2017; Lemay, 2016).…”