Vastly inconsistent definitions of the term "the IT artifact" in leading journals and conferences demonstrate why it no longer means anything in particular and should be retired from the active IS lexicon. Examples from the literature show why artifact-cousins, such as the IS artifact, sociotechnical artifact, social artifact, and ensemble artifact should be used with great care, if not retired as well. Any void created by these retirements could be filled through the following approaches: (i) relabeling with simple terms that are immediately understandable; (ii) adopting guidelines for making sense of the whole X-artifact family; and (iii) sidestepping the IT artifact and focusing directly on IT-enabled work systems in organizations.While Humpty Dumpty can get away with saying that things mean whatever he chooses them to mean in Lewis Carroll's sequel to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, that approach is not appropriate for IS researchers, especially because the IS field espouses such great concern about combining rigour, relevance and influence in the real world. The above excerpt from the Call for Papers of the IT Artifact track of ICIS 2013 says that the IT artifact is understood as any of three completely different kinds of things, technologies consisting of hardware and software, sociotechnical systems with human participants, and processes and methods. Although common words such as cell and edge can have different but easily understandable meanings in different