Family Counseling With High-Conflict Separated Parents

Abstract

When parents separate and divorce, they and their children often suffer dire emotional consequences, especially when the parents have a "high-conflict" relationship. When the parents are able to have a more collaborative relationship, however, outcomes are more positive. Family counseling can be an excellent resource for these parents, but the literature in this area is sparse. This article reviews a framework of understanding high conflict in the context of separated parents. After establishing this base of understanding, common challenges in working with high-conflict separated parents are presented, along with nonmodeldependent strategies for meeting these challenges. Case examples are provided to illustrate both the challenges counselors may face and the strategies that are suggested for meeting those challenges.

A Task Analysis of Client Re‐engagement: Therapeutic De‐escalation of High‐Conflict Coparents

“…The psychological, relational, and legal problems associated with protracted conflict following divorce lead to many high‐conflict coparents being referred to therapy. Despite the importance of treating this conflict, there is comparatively little research regarding how to successfully intervene (Mutchler, 2017). The available models provide general guidelines (Ellis & Boyan, 2010; Goodman et al, 2004; Lebow, 2003; Lebow & Rekart, 2007), but none have examined the in‐session process of working with high‐conflict couples through the task analysis framework.…”

“…Despite the calls within family therapy models to intervene quickly to disrupt escalating conflict, there is limited direction on how to accomplish this task (Mutchler, 2017). Hecker and Trepper (2000) suggested a three‐step process for conflict de‐escalation in which the therapist reframes the conflict, empathizes with each partner, and establishes mutual goals.…”

Personal Barriers to High Conflict Domestic Dispute Resolution

“…These types of disputes typically result in an insecure, hostile, emotional environment with the presence of emotional reactivity, mutual distrust, a strong negative affect, and a lack of safety. The hostility manifests itself in pervasive, negative exchanges which include aggression, escalation, defensiveness, and a tendency towards all or nothing thinking (Anderson et al, 2011; Mutchler, 2017).…”

“…The litigation can potentially last for many years after the initial separation, creating ongoing turmoil for all involved (Laletas & Khasin, 2021). Children who witness the hostile emotional environment, and pervasive, negative exchanges, often experience adverse effects (Mutchler, 2017), such as adjustment issues, emotional difficulties, behavioral problems, and social issues (Johnston, 1994).…”

Multi‐family therapy for separated parents in conflict and their children: intervention development and pilot evaluation

“…Several groups have commented on the difficulty of working with separated parents in intense conflict, where traditional therapeutic approaches such as family therapy are often found to be ineffective (Asen & Morris, 2020; Harold et al, 2016; Hertzmann & Abse, 2009; Van Lawick & Visser, 2015), particularly when the child refuses contact with one parent (Kelly & Johnston, 2001; Weir, 2006). High levels of mistrust, entrenched patterns of communication, a conflict mindset and the need to accrue evidence to ‘win’ the court case, often disrupt the therapeutic relationship and make it difficult for the family to move forward (Mutchler, 2017). Entrenched conflict sometimes means that parents are unable to recognise or be mindful of the impact on children.…”