Flirting on the Internet and the Hickey: A Hermeneutic

Abstract

Nowadays, erotic behaviour in cyberspace is customary. Online dating is a million dollar industry. Within the everyday politics of erotic-romantic relationships, however, males and females still blush in each other's presence, caress tenderly and trade hickeys. Mainstream social science researches cyber-behaviour voluminously, but totally ignores commonplace fleshy phenomena. Our study probes this discrepancy. What does it mean that virtual sex is winning the current war between desire and technology? Why is the 'flesh' becoming increasingly marginalized? To accomplish our aim, we use a phenomenological-hermeneutic method. Our basic results are two narratives: (1) interpretations about Internet flirting; and (2) descriptive finding about the hickey. Then, in order to reach general conclusions, we interpret the two studies in light of each other. It is a double hermeneutic. The two target phenomena share the similarity of manifesting the same "lovemap," "solicitation and allure." But they also differ sharply. Internet flirting exemplifies "mirror enchantment"; whereas the hickey showcases a phenomenology of the eyes, touch, dialogue and physical presence. We explain Western culture's preference for technology to the neglect of 'live' embodiment as manifesting a repetition of Platonic-Christendom's contempt for the flesh and horror of passionate tenderness. Our culture, on the cusp between modernity and post-modernity, displays dread concerning the flesh by obsessive concerns with safety-security and with modulating excesses. Are not absolute control and perfect security, however, merely illusions? We showcase the positive aspects of seemingly unsafe values: psychological vulnerability, daring, and risk.

The science of interpersonal touch: An overview

“…Unfortunately, however, these tactile aspects of communication are completely lacking in long-distance interactions (such as in telephone calls or in internet-based communications). As pointed out by Alapack (2007), nothing, not a fantasy, nor 'a text vanishing at the click of the mouse', can compensate for the lack of flesh-to-flesh contact in virtual communication and/or relationships (see also Alapack et al, 2005). Although many efforts have been made to ameliorate the visual and auditory aspects of on-line relationships, very little progress has been made toward adding physical contact to internet and long-distance interactions.…”

Date me if you can: Ein systematischer Überblick über den aktuellen Forschungsstand von Online-Dating

“…Dem ersten Treffen kommt eine bedeutende Rolle zu, weil erstmalig die Passung im realen Setting bewertet werden kann (Abramova et al 2016;Khan und Chaudhry 2015). Stimme, Sprechweise, Mimik, Gestik, Geruch und andere für die sexuelle Attraktion zentrale Charakteristika sind in der schriftlichen Selbstdarstellung und Interaktion nicht vermittelbar und führen bei telefonischem oder persönlichem Kontakt schnell zu Enttäuschungen; zumindest dann, wenn das Gegenüber nicht den im Online-Kontext vermittelten Eindrücken entspricht (Alapack et al 2005;Cacioppo et al 2013). Daher kann es beim Wechsel vom Online-zum Offline-Kontakt zu einem Bruch kommen, wenn das subjektive Bild von der Person nicht mit der Realität übereinstimmt (Dröge 2013).…”

Teaching Online Social Skills to Students With Emotional and Behavioral Disorders

“…(e) Letting someone know that you like them. Determining appropriate ways to let someone know that you are attracted to them or interested in pursuing a friendship/relationship (Alapack, Blichfeldt, & Elden, 2005). refraining from engaging in cyberbullying with another person (Li;Privitera & Campbell, 2005).…”

“…Ducehneaut and Moore (2005) identified several skills needed to succeed in an online role-playing game: (a) having a conversation with someone you do not know, (b) being sensitive to statements individuals make to each other, (c) collaboration among players, (d) waiting turns to participate, and (e) having empathy for other players. In addition to these skills, researchers have indicated that a large percentage of users of online social environments spend time sharing feelings of attraction for each other and discussing ways to address these feelings (Alapack, Blechfeldt, & Elden, 2005). There has also been indication that users lie about information in online environments and the amount of personal information shared, resulting in safety issues (Boyd, 2008; Harman et al, 2005; Potter & Potter, 2001).…”