For the good of the children—Life and ethical values when undergoing paternal alienation and involuntary loss of paternity

Abstract

Background and AimToday there is an aspiration and desire for fathers to be caring masculinities that build long‐term father‐child relationships and emotional presence with their children. Previous research shows that life changes where fathers are deprived of the opportunity for equal parenting and close contact with their children affect the fathers' lives and mental health. The aim of this caring science study is thereby to gain a deeper understanding of life and ethical values when undergoing paternal alienation and experiencing involuntary loss of paternity.Design, Research Methods, and ParticipantsThe study has a qualitative design. The data collection was carried out in 2021 through individual in‐depth interviews according to Kvale and Brinkmann. The five fathers who participated in the interviews had experiences of undergoing paternal alienation and involuntary loss of paternity. The interviews were analysed with a reflexive thematic analysis according to Braun and Clarke.ResultsThree main themes emerged. Putting yourself aside includes forgetting one's own needs and prioritising the children's and being the best version of oneself for them. In playing with the cards you have been dealt lies an acceptance of life as it has become and also a responsibility not to let the grief take over, by creating new patterns for everyday life and holding up hope. Keeping your dignity as a human being includes being heard, affirmed and consoled, and a form of re‐awakening one's dignity as a human being.ConclusionIt is fundamental to understand the grief, longing and sacrifice that paternal alienation and involuntary loss of paternity cause human life and how every day can be a struggle to hold on to hope, find comfort and reconcile with the situation. The fundamental foundation that makes life worth living is love and responsibility for the good of the children.