Forgiveness, Shaming, Shame and Bullying

Abstract

This study predicts self-initiated bullying from three variables: shaming, forgiveness and shame. Data were collected from 1875 Bangladeshi school children (60% girls; mean grade = 8.28) using the Bengali version of the Life at School Survey. Results demonstrated that reintegrative shaming and forgiveness were related to less bullying. High shame acknowledgment (accepting responsibility, making amends) and low shame displacement into anger or blaming others were also associated with less bullying. Liking school protected children who experienced (a) less reintegrative shaming, and (b) more stigmatising shaming at home. Equally, more reintegrative shaming and less stigmatising shaming protected children against bullying when liking for school was absent. The forgiveness main effect on bullying (22.4% reduction) was much bigger than the main effect of reintegrative shaming (11.3% reduction). These results are consistent with the view that forgiveness is a more powerful restorative practice than reintegrative shaming.

Shame and resilience among Pakeha New Zealanders

“…Nonetheless, the externalisation of shame is a phenomenon that is both common and dangerous. Ahmed and Braithwaite (2005) argue that the externalisation of shame occurs when an individual is unprepared to cope with feelings of shame. The individual refuses to acknowledge feelings of shame and instead, on a subconscious level, transforms his or her shame into anger or rage.…”

“…Shame problems (and, in some cases, criminal behaviour) result when shame is displaced rather than discharged, either through internalisation or externalisation. Ahmed and Braithwaite (2005) cite evidence that people who are unable to experience shame or remorse for harming others have a significantly greater risk of harming others again in the future. This inability to acknowledge shame amplifies one's capability for wrongdoing because one's personal actions are dissociated from their consequences.…”

“…While not directly linked to shame in their original formulation, Ahmed and Braithwaite (2005) considered the parenting styles described by Baumrind (1967) to be strongly influenced by the issue of shame. The three parenting styles are described by Baumrind as authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative.…”

“…Authoritative parenting is sometimes described as inductive parenting, because a goal is often the induction of remorse for bad actions, through respectfully employing natural consequences and reasoning with the child (Ahmed & Braithwaite, 2005).…”

“…Ahmed and Braithwaite (2005) introduced externalisation of shame as a dangerous response, whereby an individual who is unprepared to cope with feelings of shame subconsciously transforms his or her shame into anger or rage. While this was less readily reported among participants in the present study than the internalisation of shame, some participants did show signs of externalising their shame through blaming others or acting out through criminal activities.…”