Freezing for ‘unlove’: Declining fertility, heterosexual partnering and conflicting subjectivities among women pursuing social egg freezing in their 30s in Norway

Abstract

This article discusses so-called social egg freezing among women in Norway. The women, single and in their thirties, link the desire to freeze their eggs to challenges with heterosexual partnering and the lingering threat of becoming ‘desperate’ due to presumed declining fertility. I show that ‘desperation’ stands for impulses, desires, priorities and strategies, which are in conflict with an ideal feminine subjectivity – the ‘strong independent woman’ – who is gender equal, autonomous, rational and self-regulating. At the same time, normative coupledom based on ‘true love’ remains at the heart of the women’s idea of an optimal way of life. Drawing on feminist sociologist Eva Ilouz’ theorisation of the effects of late capitalism on heterosexual dynamics and relationships, I show how egg freezing is pursued in order to retain and improve one’s ability for what Illouz calls ‘unlove’: to avoid and escape substandard relationships and prioritise autonomy and self-empowerment over a desire for attachment. I contend that, although in some cases (and/or for some time) experienced as empowering and an enhancement of gender equality, egg freezing remains an individualised, and largely ineffective, response to conflicts and dilemmas stemming from gendered paradoxes of late capitalist intimate normativity, where norms of ‘true love’ coupledom come into conflict with an ideal subjectivity of radical autonomy. ‘Freezing for unlove’, thus, also highlights the ambiguous effects of an individualist neoliberal feminism, which fails to adequately address material gender differences, and to problematise adjustment to a male norm as a strategy for gender equality.