From Sexual Desire Discrepancies to Desirable Sex: Creating the Optimal Connection

Abstract

Beginning in 2005, our team conducted a series of studies on optimal sexual experiences. We have applied our findings to develop a group therapy intervention for couples presenting with low sexual desire/frequency and sexual desire discrepancy. The goal was to improve the quality of erotic intimacy by focusing on such elements as being fully embodied during sex, increasing authenticity, trustworthiness, and vulnerability. Twenty-eight heterosexual individuals (14 couples) were seen in 16 hours of couples group therapy. Each completed the New Sexual Satisfaction Scale in pretests, posttests and six-month follow-ups. Significant differences in satisfaction (p <.001) were found in overall sample means from pretests to posttests and follow-ups. Significant differences were also found in 10 of 20 items, plus in two of three added items, including satisfaction with intensity of sexual arousal, variety, frequency, partner's initiation, and emotional opening up. Although this is a small sample, the results indicate that this intervention is effective. We interpret these findings in terms of creating just enough safety to enable couples to take erotic risks and thereby create desirable sexual intimacy.

The role of sexual mindfulness in sexual wellbeing, Relational wellbeing, and self-esteem

“…Practicing sexual mindfulness – that is, remaining mindful during sex in particular, a context that is often high in anxiety (Barnes, Brown, Krusemark, Campbell, & Rogge, 2007) – may require greater application of attention and nonjudgment than practicing mindfulness in other less stressful settings. For example, being mindful while practicing yoga is quite different from maintaining mindfulness while having sex (Kleinplatz et al, 2018).…”

Initial Evidence of Feasibility of Treating Sexual Desire Discrepancy Using an Online Application

“…Furthermore, a recent 16-hour group therapy approach to treating sexual desire discrepancy showed a marked increase in sexual satisfaction following the treatment as well as six months post intervention (Kleinplatz et al, 2018). The results also showed significant improvement in sexual arousal, variety, frequency, initiation, and emotional opening up.…”

Sexual Desire Discrepancy: A Position Statement of the European Society for Sexual Medicine

“…Although SDD is not necessarily a sexual problem, we do need an evidence-based treatment to help subjects who are distressed by SDD. 68 Currently, no evidence-based treatment for SDD exists. Only a few studies on SDD have used clinical samples 69,70 and, so far, no comprehensive treatment program has yet been described.…”

“…71 Most treatments of sexual desire problems take an individual approach and focus on increasing and expanding the sexual desire of the low desire partner. 68 Partners are then instructed to find a compromise in their level and type of sexual activity, which ignores the fact that SDD often results from partners' interaction and is an important part of their conflict management. 50 Although some articles on SDD and sexually related constructs discuss clinical implications, 12,13,33 none of these suggestions are research-informed and evidence-based.…”