Gender and social structure in the demand/withdraw pattern of marital conflict.

Abstract

This study examined the effects of gender and social structure on the demand/withdraw pattern of marital conflict. In this pattern, the demander, usually the woman, pressures the other through emotional requests, criticism, and complaints, and the withdrawer, usually the man, retreats through defensiveness and passive inaction. In this study, 31 couples were assessed in 2 conflict situations: 1 in which husband wanted a change in wife and 1 in which wife wanted a change in husband. Data from husbands, wives, and observers consistently revealed a significant main effect of gender (wife-demand/husband-withdraw interaction was more likely than husband-demand/wife-withdraw interaction) and a significant interaction of gender and conflict structure (wife-demand/husband-withdraw interaction was more likely than the reverse only when discussing a change the wife wanted). Separate analyses of demand and withdraw behaviors indicated that both husband and wife were more likely to be demanding when discussing a change they wanted and more likely to be withdrawing when discussing a change their partner wanted. However, men were overall more withdrawn than women, but women were not overall more demanding than men.

Ethnic and Gender Differences in Emotional Ideology, Experience, and Expression

“…Kelley and his colleagues concluded that men are indeed conflict-avoidant; they find it upsetting to deal with emotional problems. Women are conflict-confronting; they are frustrated by men's avoidance and ask that the problem and the feelings associated with it be confronted (see Canli, Desmond, Zhao, & Gabriell, 2002;Christensen & Heavey, 1990;Gottman & Krokoff, 1989;Gottman & Levenson, 1988;Kiecolt-Glaser, 1998;Notarius & Johnson, 1982;Schaap, 1982; for similar results. )…”

Evolution and proximate expression of human paternal investment.

“…Belsky et al (1984) and Lamb and Elster (1985) also found that fathers' engagement with their children was related to the quality of the marital relationship, but, at the same time, they found little relation between the level of marital interaction (e.g., degree of communication) and mothers' involvement with their children. Basically, it appears that marital conflict results in the fathers' withdrawal--emotional or physical from his children and his spouse (see, e.g., Christensen & Heavey, 1990). However, this withdrawal is sometimes more pronounced for daughters than for sons (Kerig, Cowan, & Cowan, 1993) and varies with the nature of the interpersonal dynamics between husband and wife (Gottman, 1998).…”

Sex differences in the use of demand and withdraw behavior in marriage: Examining the social structure hypothesis.

“…However, demand and withdraw behaviors have been of particular concern because of their (a) frequent presence in distressed couples (Christensen & Shenk, 1991), (b) link with declines in relationship satisfaction over time (Heavey, Christensen, & Malamuth, 1995), and (c) link to spousal abuse (Berns, Jacobson, & Gottman, 1999). In addition, studies consistently show that women express more demands and men exhibit more withdrawal during problem-solving discussions (e.g., Christensen & Heavey, 1990;Gottman & Krokoff, 1989;Heavey, Layne, & Christensen, 1993;Vogel & Karney, 2002). This sex difference in problem-solving behaviors spurred interest in why these differences in behavior exist.…”