Gender differences in new partnership choices and constraints for older widows and widowers

Abstract

There is an 'urban myth,' nevertheless widely held, that in widowhood, women grieve and men replace. Indeed, demographic data indicate that older widowed men are more likely to remarry than older widowed women. This article reports a small-scale study of twenty-five widows and twenty-six widowers over the age of sixty-five in the UK. The study focuses on the choices and constraints in the making of new dyadic relationships and how men and women differ in their approaches to them. What emerges from the interview data is a complex picture of friendship and partnership networks which are age-and gender-specific. For most of the widows, some of whom were living by themselves for the first time, being alone was perceived as a sense of liberation. They were unwilling to relinquish it as a trade-off for companionship with caring responsibilities. For the widowers, loneliness was viewed more as a sense of deprivation after a life of being cared for by a woman in whom they had concentrated their emotional existence.There has been substantial investigation of the psychology of bereavement in the early period following loss of a spouse (Glick et al., 1974;Kubler-Ross, 1975;Parkes & Weiss, 1983;Shuchter & Zisook, 1993), but relatively little work has been done on gender differences in the meanings of widowhood in the longer term (Stevens, 1995). This article arises from a small qualitative study of twenty-five widows and twenty-six widowers in the United Kingdom. The respondents were born before 1930 (at least sixty-five years old at time of interview in 1995/6), widowed for a minimum of two years, lived alone in the community, and had not remarried. These criteria were established because the original purpose of the study was to investigate how differently older men and women realigned their lives in the medium and long term after widowhood. The study does not therefore examine the motivations

Not Even Cold in Her Grave: How Postbereavement Remarried Couples Perceive Family Acceptance

“…Stressful family relationships can create tension in the new postbereavement marriage. Researchers have found that remarriage creates stress for widows and widowers who worry that their children and other family members disapprove of their marriage (Davidson, 2002;Moore & Stratton, 2001;van den Hoonaard, 2010). Further, research might even suggest that those who begin dating soon after a loss might experience strained relationships with their children (van den Hoonaard, 2010).…”

“…After experiencing a major loss, most adults instinctively look for support from other caring adults within their network (Anderson & Greene, 2013). This dilemma is enhanced by the fact that when seeking support, unique gender differences can exist, with men commonly seeking out new relationships to dispel loneliness (Baum, 2003;Davidson, 2002). Whereas some women might fear the impending responsibility of caring for another adult, and therefore avoid future relationships, others might seek a relationship for financial stability (Anderson & Greene, 2013;Ganong & Coleman, 2004).…”

Dating for Older Women: Experiences and Meanings of Dating in Later Life

“…The available research on dating tends to focus on the experiences of adolescents and young adults (Dickson et al, 2005; McElhany, 1992). Research regarding dating in later life explores factors associated with the likelihood to date (Bulcroft & Bulcroft, 1991), the desire to date (Calasanti & Kiecolt, 2007; Davidson, 2002; Dickson et al, 2005; Stevens, 2002), the reasons to date (Bulcroft & O’Conner, 1986; Calasanti & Kiecolt, 2007; Cooney & Dunne, 2001; Dickson et al, 2005), and the impact of dating relationships on health and well-being (Bulcroft & Bulcroft, 1991; Bulcroft & O’Conner, 1986; Carr, 2004). …”

Household Position, Parenthood, and Self-reported Adult Health. Cross-Sectional and Longitudinal Evidence from the Austrian Generations and Gender Survey

“…Living apart together (LAT) relationships, where partners maintain separate households and finances, are becoming more common in northern and western Europe (Davidson 2002;De Jong Gierveld 2004;Karlsson and Borell 2002;Castro-Martín et al 2008). This type of partnership is prevalent also at older ages and is a preliminary stage of the courtship process potentially leading to cohabitation.…”