According to Peter Berger, “explaining European secularity, especially its contrast with the United States, is one of the most interesting topics for study.” As an American expat and scholar of contemporary American literature, this essay will address my own “intellectual curiosity” about European secularity: what kind of work it fosters and enables, and what it does not. In particular, I will focus on the pervasive secular “progress narrative” that continues to be protected and preserved in different academic departments at universities in Belgium and The Netherlands for various historical and cultural reasons, including those related to depillarization and laïcité.