The tatanans are members of a novel class of complex sesquilignan natural products recently isolated from the rhizomes of Acorus tatarinowii Schott plants. Tatanans A, B and C have previously been reported to have potent glucokinase-activating properties that exceed the in vitro activity of known synthetic antidiabetic agents. Here, using a series of sequential [3,3]-sigmatropic rearrangements, we report the total synthesis of tatanan A in 13 steps and 13% overall yield. We also complete a concise enantioselective total synthesis of more complex, atropisomeric tatanans B and C via a distinct convergent strategy based on a palladium-catalysed diastereotopic aromatic group differentiation (12 steps, 4% and 8% overall yield, respectively). A plausible biosynthetic relationship between acyclic tatanan A and spirocyclic tatanans B and C is proposed and probed experimentally. With sufficient quantities of the natural products in hand, we undertake a detailed functional characterization of the biological activities of tatanans A–C. Contrary to previous reports, our assays utilizing pure recombinant human enzyme demonstrate that tatanans do not function as allosteric activators of glucokinase.