What happens when recognized and diverse conditioning factors of linguistic variation are omitted from analysis and/or are not analyzed under a single analytical procedure? This paper explores the consequences of such a choice on data interpretation and, consequently, (socio)linguistic theorization. Utilizing Twitter-style English in the Philippines (EngPH) as a case study, I employ the Twitter Corpus of Philippine Englishes (TCOPE) primarily to investigate and elucidate variations in three morphosyntactic variables that have been previously examined using a piecemeal approach. I propose a holistic quantitative approach that incorporates documented linguistic, social, diachronic, and stylistic factors in a unified analysis. The paper illustrates the impacts of adopting this holistic approach through two statistical procedures: Bayesian regression modeling and Boruta feature selection with random forest modeling. In contrast to earlier research findings, my overall results reveal biases in non-unified quantitative analyses, where the confidence in the effects of certain factors diminishes in light of others during analysis. The adoption of a unified analysis or modeling also enhances the resolution at which variations have been examined in EngPH. For instance, it highlights that presumed ‘universals’, such as the hierarchy of linguistic > stylistic > diachronic > social factors in explaining variation in some domains, is contingent on the specific variable under examination. Overall, I argue that unified analyses reduce data distortion and introduce more nuanced interpretations and insights that are critical for establishing a well-grounded empirical theory of EngPH variation and language variation as a whole.