“Her bun in my oven”: Motivations and experiences of two‐mother families who have used reciprocal IVF

Abstract

Objectives: What motivates same-gender female couples to choose reciprocal in vitro fertilization (IVF)? Do their experiences of becoming and being a mother via reciprocal IVF match their pre-parenthood expectations? Background: Reciprocal IVF is a treatment route available to cis, same-gender female couples, and other couples in which both partners have a uterus and egg stores. One partner's egg is retrieved, fertilized in vitro with donor sperm, then carried by the other partner. Existing debate has considered the ethical implications of this treatment route. To date, no empirical research has explored the experiences of families who have used reciprocal IVF. Method: Semistructured interviews were conducted with genetic and gestational mothers in 14 families headed by cis, same gender female couples who had conceived by reciprocal IVF in the United Kingdom (N = 28 mothers). Data were analyzed according to the principles of reflexive thematic analysis. Results: Four themes were constructed: (a) becoming mums together; (b) legitimacy: "who's the real mum"; (c) choices and constraints; and (d) biological connections strengthen family connections. Conclusion: Families had multiple and nuanced motivations for choosing reciprocal IVF, such as the desire to share the journey of motherhood with their partner, to be perceived as legitimate parents, to overcome practical barriers, and to build strong family relationships. Mothers' pre-parenthood expectations often mismatched the reality of becoming and being a mother via reciprocal IVF. Most

Relationships between mothers and children in families formed by shared biological motherhood

“…Due to delays caused by Covid, it was decided to terminate recruitment when 30 of such families in each family type had taken part in the study. Findings on mothers’ motivations for, and experiences of, shared biological motherhood for the larger sample are reported elsewhere ( Shaw et al ., 2023 ).…”

Grappling with tradition: the experiences of cisgender, heterosexual mothers and fathers in elective co-parenting arrangements

“…Research on other family types has found that pre-parenthood expectations of couple parenting equality are not always met (e.g. Faircloth, 2021 ; Shaw et al, 2022 ), and this study suggests that such violations of equality expectations can persist when parenting with a friend or acquaintance.…”

LGBTQ family building: A guide for prospective parents. By Abbie E.Goldberg, Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. 2022. pp. 295. $16.99 (paperback). ISBN: 978‐1‐4338‐3392‐2

“…We also know little about platonic co‐parenting, which resists the idea that parenting needs to stem from two romantically or sexually involved partners. Researchers also could explore how LGBTQ parents wrestle with complicated tensions embedded within certain pathways to parenthood, such as transnational surrogacy or transracial adoption (Geerts & Evertsson, 2022; Goldberg et al, 2023; Shaw et al, 2022). Lastly and more foundationally, researchers could begin to pull apart intentions, desires, and motivations for parenthood in the first place.…”