Holding on and letting go: Memory, nostalgia, and effects of virtual possession management practices on post-breakup adjustment

Abstract

When people end their relationships, they must choose which parts of the relationship to remember and forget as they prepare themselves for future partners. This memory process is complicated by the recordability and permanence of mediated messages because individuals must actively curate their virtual possessions—such as pictures with a previous partner or online relationship statuses. Using the relational dissolution model framework, this study investigated the behaviors people use online to manage the end of their relationships and how these choices may influence the way they adjust to the breakup. College students ( N = 234) were surveyed to examine how their keeping and deleting of virtual possessions are related to their post-breakup adjustment. Results suggest that keeping virtual possessions negatively relates to post-breakup adjustment. Participants who were more nostalgic were more likely to keep virtual possessions following a breakup, which mediated the relationship between nostalgia and post-breakup adjustment. The implications show how the persistence of mediated possessions has the potential to affect the breakup process as people struggle to manage their relational memories.

Romantic relationship dissolution on social networking sites: Self-Presentation and public accounts of breakups on Facebook

“…Our sample also demonstrated some bias as over twice as many participants reported initiating the breakup as being the recipient (although this is consistent with other studies on SNSs and dissolution such as Brody et al, 2020). Future research efforts may wish to target those on the receiving end of a breakup.…”

Ghosting and orbiting: An analysis of victims’ experiences

“…However, victims of both ghosting and, to a greater extent, orbiting reported some actions on social networking sites (e.g., increasing privacy settings, blocking the former partner and friends, deleting chat messages) that can be ascribed to the grave-dressing process. These behaviors deserve further attention, as also recent research highlighted the impact of keeping and deleting virtual possessions (e.g., pictures, messages, and relationship status on social networking sites) on post-breakup adjustment (Brody et al, 2020).…”

Heartache in Young Adulthood: Cross-Cultural Adaptation and Validation of a Spanish Version of the Breakup Distress Scale

“…For the participants in this study, the average time since the breakup was approximately 1.5 years with a maximum of 5 years. Other research in the literature has also had average times since the breakup greater than a year and up to 7 years (Hawley et al, 2015; Marshall et al, 2013; Shulman et al, 2017) In this regard, recent research has indicated that virtual possessions and social networks sites can make it harder to recover from a romantic breakup as a result of revisiting memories from the broken relationship and maintaining contact or surveillance of the ex-partner (Brody et al, 2020; Spottswood & Carpenter, 2020). This can extend the feelings and thoughts about the broken relationship, including the breakup distress, for periods of time longer than prior to the digital age and the advent of the social network online sites.…”