Faced with offline discrimination, LGBTQIA+ users frequently turn to social media to find role models, build social networks and test out new forms of self-expression. Each platform has its own affordances and governance processes which can, in turn, facilitate or impede self-expression and community growth. Through a survey of 120 LGBTQIA+ participants, this paper considers which social media affordances facilitate the creation and development of LGBTQIA+ identities, support online and offline community formation and peer-to-peer learning, whilst limiting opportunities for online abuse. While previous research has so far largely focused on younger LGBTQIA+ users' experiences on SM, we found that broadening our sample to include older participants can lead to novel reflections on platforms' potential and/or challenges towards expressing one’s queerness online. For example, while users young and old found the visibility of other LGBTQIA+ accounts inspiring, entertaining and reassuring, particularly within previously stigmatised expressions of bisexuality, we found that older participants preferred to be selective about their outness, or sometimes to not be out at all, not simply for fear of harassment or context collapse, but also because of historical factors around family and friend relationships or because their identity experimentation had already happened offline. We also identified contrasting views about outness and the use and visibility of pronouns, reminding us that the online LGBTQIA+ community is not a monolith in its beliefs and practices, particularly when different life stages are considered.