How Good It Would Be to Turn Back Time: Adult Attachment and Perfectionism in Mothers and Their Relationships with the Processes of Parental Identity Formation

Child-oriented and partner-oriented perfectionism explain different aspects of family difficulties

“…If the child does not meet the parents' high expectations (higher Discrepancy), it can lead to an increase in parental stress, a lack of satisfaction with parenthood, and feeling burdened by this role. This prediction remains in line with the results of a recent study conducted by Piotrowski [27], in which it turned out that the higher the mother's general other-oriented perfectionism, the stronger is her conviction that becoming a parent was a mistake. As Piotrowski suggests, the mother's unrealistic expectation that her child will meet her high standards can constitute a source of strong tensions and frustration and, as a result, it can cause disappointment with the parental role.…”

“…Studies have shown that perfectionism in parents is positively related to child distress [41] and that narcissistic parents more frequently use negative parenting methods, including violence [42]. A study conducted by Piotrowski [27] demonstrates, in turn, that mothers who expect perfection from others can also more often regret becoming a parent and show lower commitment to the parental role. This, going further, can open the way to maladaptive behaviors towards the child.…”

How many parents regret having children and how it is linked to their personality and health: Two studies with national samples in Poland

“…In Study 2, the suggestions formulated by Piotrowski [17], that regretting parenthood could be the consequence of an inability to form a stable parental identity and of parental burnout, were also verified. Difficulties in forming parental identity manifest themselves mainly in low identity commitment, low identification with the role of a parent, and the lack of active exploration of the parental domain [29,30].…”

“…Additionally, they have a tendency to return in their minds to the times "before the child", which are described as times of freedom and self-fulfillment. Studies on parental identity conducted by Piotrowski [17] also suggest that regretting parenthood can be a consequence of low identification with the parental role and of a conviction that not having a child would give a better fit with one's life. Although Piotrowski did not ask parents directly whether they regretted having a child, his studies suggest that, among parents who regret having children, such phenomena as negative emotionality and poor mental health may be observed.…”

“…First, regretting parenthood may pertain to as many as every one in ten or eleven parents, which on the scale of countries such as the United States (over 300 million inhabitants) or Germany (over 80 million inhabitants) translates into millions of parents, making it an issue of great social significance. Secondly, regretting parenthood can be strongly personality-conditioned [17] and can further increase psychopathology among parents and destructive attitudes towards their children [18]. Because the studies on this issue that have been conducted so far have concentrated either on determining the prevalence of parental regret in the population [1,12] or on determining the correlates of this phenomenon in relatively small samples [14][15][16]18], it was decided to integrate these two research strategies.…”